Juliette Angelique

A bright light came into my life 12 years ago today.
I never knew my soul could dwell in two.
Skin like down, eyes like topaz, solid blue.
If angels live on Earth I was blessed to watch one take her first breath.
It was love at first sight as I watched my belly create life.
My baby was a perfect 10, God blessed me at a young age.
It is something I live with everyday and would never change.
If she hadn't come into my life when she did, I'd be a different person for it.
A guardian angel, even as an infant.
Mild mannered, independent.
Loving, caring, so attentive.
Juliette you stole my heart.
Without you coming into my life I'd be blind wandering in the dark.
You are the light of my World, the brightest shining star in my universe.
I can't live without you, I was never meant to.
No matter how tall you grow, how old you are.
I need you to know just how important you are.
My life has meaning and purpose because of you.
If I never do anything else in this life, having you was enough.
You are my legacy, the very best part of me.
The reason I breathe, the reason I was put on this Earth.
I live for nothing more but you my sweet angel, baby girl.
I love you yesterday, today and to the end of the World.
You will never be able to know exactly how much that is because I will continue to love you even after the World ends.
My baby girl, please don't ever change but if you must, trust that I will always be with you when the times get tough.
I will support you in everything that you ever do.
You can always come to me if you need a clue.
Beautiful, intelligent and wise beyond your years.
Brave, powerful, a conquerer of fears.
Juliette, my Juliette you will be someone who makes me so very proud.
If you ever need to know how your mommy feels about you, just read this poem aloud.
I love you sweet angel.
You'll always be my special baby girl.

I'm not alone anymore!!

Soooooo, last night Toon moved into the house!!! Finally. It feels like we've been waiting for this for way too long now but he's home and I couldn't be any happier. All of the sacrifice, all of the time I've spent waiting, all of my efforts to make a life for us here in Wisconsin finally feels worth it. I've put in a lot of tears making this enormous change in my life and my kids' lives. I know sometimes in life in order to get what you want you have to go through things that aren't easy or comfortable. Moving to Wisconsin has definitely been one of the hardest (if not the hardest) things I've ever gone through in my life. I hate it here. I can't stand the State. I hate the weather. I hate everything about being outside of Texas. Now that my baybee is under the same roof as I am I can't really complain about anything anymore. Now I have to put my money where my mouth is and focus on making our relationship a successful one. It's been bumpy since I got here but all I can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Life is what you make of it. I've lost touch with God and can admit that he is not/hasn't been the main focus in my life since I got here. I'm not proud of pushing God out of the picture especially now that I've got everything I asked him for. My man is with me, I'm healthy, my kids are healthy. They are happy at their schools. I have a great job, a warm place to live, food to eat. I have nothing to complain about. I am making it my mission to bring Christ back into our lives. Church has also taken a back seat but now that things are as they should have been a long time ago, I am going to  make an honest attempt to get my family back on track. God has never left my side through everything I've been through these past few months. He is the reason why everything has fallen into place and I give him all the credit. I am blessed beyond belief and I am happy in knowing that God continues to look out for me even when I am not seeking his grace. I love you God. I love you Jesus Christ. I love you Cartoon. I love you mom. I love you Juliette, Annalise, Gabriel, Douglas and Marali. I love all of my friends and supporters. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. May God continue to bless us and be with us always. I am looking so forward to seeing what the next few months will bring. I wish all of my readers a Happy Thanksgiving, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years! To all good things to come and not being alone anymore. :) I'm the happiest girl in the World.

Just another Baby Momma Part I (The Original) 10/2012

Some time ago, I wrote a post called "Just another Baby Momma". I can't recall the date on it but it was a good post. I got rave reviews, ok well really there was only one that mattered to me. (You know who you are.) Anyway, I posted a blog called "Just Another Baby Momma" back on October 16, 2012 (you can go read it) that I had written in one of my journals but it wasn't the same entry. I recently found the original "Just Another Baby Momma" that I wrote years before the one I posted in 2012 so I wanted to share it with you all now. Even though the one posted back in 2012 is pretty good too, this one really captures what I was trying to portray given the title of the entry. This post is far overdue and dedicated to all the baby mommas out there, side chicks, main chicks who've been cheated on and to all the scumbags who put in the work and did their dirt thinking it was the thing to do. Even though girls can be pretty stupid sometimes, we either knew what was going on and were just too dumb and/or in love to say sh*t or we just really had no idea what was going on and you were stupid and eventually got caught with your pants down. Either way, I can say this, cheating is a bad idea, it leads nowhere except for unwanted pregnancy, bastard children, heartache and two people having ill feelings towards one another which under any other circumstance could have been prevented. So without further rambles, I present to you, The Original "Just another Baby Momma".

                                                                       Part I
Even from the start he didn't have a heart. The love was a fluke just a way to get the goods. He got em' too soon and there it began. He robbed that goody jar again and again. Without proper knowledge the robber was caught and all of his fun was brought to a halt. He gave me his seed and I planted an egg and nine long months later I was in a hospital bed gazing down at this tiny creature possessing our features. Why it didn't stop there is a question unknown. Not soon enough the robber was again free to roam and instead of hanging that hat he wore it so proud. He continued to prowl and preyed on the innocent refreshing his game he left me behind in the distance. He always looked back but it would never be the same because instead of hitting pause he continued to play the game.He played me and countless others, unfortunately some of us became mothers. I love my kids and would never give them back but the manner of conception was lack. Lacking in emotion, lacking in love, lacking value and morals and all of the above. How it happened 4 times comes from nothing but stupidity and what he convinced me was love was nothing but humility. Lustfully loving someone is not loving them at all and the lust he shared with all the others proves it all. I wasn't special, I was just another notch, a tally mark on his scorecard to prove to others he hadn't lost. He used sex as a tool instead of a valued bond and gave it away to others more often than not. He told me they didn't compare to me but what am I? I'm just another baby momma, just another star in the sky. There's nothing special or different about me regardless of what he says because the entire time he was telling me, he was telling them the same.  

It can't be, but it is.

Well now, I must say that this blog has completely transformed from personal venting and rants into something I never imagined it was ever capable of becoming. After 4 long, grueling years of pain, tears, triumphs and everything in between I am happy to report that my views have skyrocketed to over 6,300 views in at least 10 different countries now. I am still working on my 2nd publication which will include all of these blog entries and some from my personal collection of chronicles that never made it on here. I have started and re-started my 2nd book at least 3 times. The first was due to lack of content, motivation, dedication and time. The 2nd and 3rd were both due to technical issues. I had about 80,000 words that were saved on a laptop that was destroyed and never backed up so that's where I'm at with that. It was quite devastating and deterred me from starting over for some time. I look forward to jumping back in head first after the hustle and bustle of the holiday season however I promised myself that I wouldn't set any more outlandish goals or spout off due dates of when the book would be officially coming out. Aside from that I have deactivated, deleted and completely removed any and all of my social media outlets. This blog is all I have left. No one was ever bold enough to contact me directly anyway, it seemed unecessary and distracting to have to keep up with all of that. My life is more interesting now that no one knows what's going on, aside from what I disclose on here. I like it better this way. My life, my say, my way. Kind of the same thing with this blog and the new book. It's my book, it's my project, it will happen on my own time. That's the beauty of creative writing, there are no pre-conditions as to what needs to happen or when. Obviously I set a standard for myself which is higher this time around than the first go round but even still it is mine. No one else gets to dictate how awesome I am except for me and I like it that way. I rushed the last book just because I wanted it done before I turned a certain age, pretty immature of me and for that reason there were a ton of grammatical and spelling errors that were never caught, it was sloppily put together and on top of that I edited by myself. Never the less I am still proud of the accomplishment, not so much the finished product but it was a life goal that was met and I am completely content with that. I feel more confident this time, I am certainly more knowledgeable and with nothing but time and clear skies I have no limit as to what I can and will accomplish this time around. I am highly dedicated to my writing and it has and always will be a passion of mine. I look forward to seeing what the future holds for me and my writing. I never thought I would ever have the opportunity to address the world in such a beautiful way. It is awe inspiring, empowering and overall a joy to have the capability to do what I do. I love this stuff and to anyone reading I am forever grateful. You are a part of something big and awesome, just watch! And as always keep reading! ;j