Harmful Hands

The emotions were so raw that I began to saw through the surface at the seam careful not to tear the fragile tissue and began to bleed out the poison relieving the pain with more pain. Tears are numbing like anesthesia rolling down my cheeks, burning permanent trails on my pale face. I can't erase the things I've done to have brought myself here but also can't escape from this place long enough to bring the color back to my cheeks. I'm weak, not happy to admit it but I can't shake this strife like a parasite feasting on my brain. So I look to the sky for guidance to find the sun burns my eyelids and singes my retinas til I'm blinded. Now I'm blind, I'm deaf, I'm bleeding like I've been stabbed in the chest, I'm broken from the hurting I put myself through, battered and bruised, lame and in pain from the pads of my fingertips to the core of my soul strings. So he thinks it funny to play me like a guitar so I tap my foot to the beat until he beats me like a drum so I whistle along with the melody so he sings me like a song and I hum to the chorus until he thinks my music is boring. Now he'll choke me to death until the fresh breath of my last living breath is dead in my death. Don't cry for me now, I already did. I confessed to my saviour all of my sins. He asked me again now what was my problem and all I said was I'm sorry I could not solve them. I'm sorry for taking that knife to my own selfish skin and cutting in deep enough to release me from my sins from the gaping wound I gave to myself because I thought I could nurse my self back to health and wasn't aware of the damage I caused and didn't realize that I was all out of guaze. I never meant to hurt you or anyone else but was only trying to hurt myself because the pain I felt was too hard to bear so instead of asking for help I took care of it myself. Now I'm dead, I've passed on but don't mourn me just yet because I arrived at a gorgeous gate. My keeper asked me why I was there because he didn't feel it was my time and my reply was hazy and I thought I was going crazy because I didn't think I would have ended up here but he reassured me that the knife I held so firmly in my grip was not the cause to my tragic end. I tried hard to back track back to my life, alive and couldn't recall my last moments on Earth until he took my chin upturned and stared deep into my tearfilled eyes until I felt the chills rise on my cold skin and he said to me then. All broken women fall and even though you tried to bypass this all, where you weren't welcome there you are eternally welcome here and I will never allow you to feel that pain or fear. I am your friend. I am your father. I will love you in my eternity for you are my daughter.