Possible things

All I have is time to think.
Nothing to smoke, nothing to drink.
I'm fed up with this person.
Me.
Who the **** have I become?
I wish I was swimming in the bottom of a bottle of rum.
I can't have no fun.
Sure glad I don't own a gun.
I need to release some of this steam.
Maybe I'll get on a boat.
Better yet, wait for the water to freeze and dive into the cold.
I feel like a dead fish anyway.
Cold and disgusting.
Who would want to handle that? 
My heartbeat just fell flat.
I'm dead. I'm gone. Sing a sad song.
But please don't ever cry for me.
I've done enough of that for us all.
I want to go home. 
I just want to be gone.
Erased.
I give up.
You all can take 1st place.
And second, and third.
Fourth, fifth and sixth.
I give you my word that my soul don't exist.
It has expired along with my sanity.
I'm so phuckin tired. Someone feed me some ecstacy.
I want to be put out of my misery, please.
Lay me to rest in a nice quiet grave.
Set my spirit free so she can misbehave.
I'm never going to get any rest in this place.
I'm a disgrace to this race.
I can't hold up these four walls no more.
My life is caving in around me with no exit door.
I'm down to all fours.
I can't beg anymore.
I felt the wrath but I can't endure.
If possible things are still possible?
Who are these possible things possible for?
Not me.
It's impossible to see the worth.
Worthless as I've ever felt.
Shitty as I've ever smelt.
Crying out for HELP!
HELP!!