I'm so sad today

I'm so sad today.
I'm trying to distract myself but this feeling won't go away.
I wish my brain and heart would stop arguing.
My eyes are puffy and swollen.
My head is a whirlwind.
I can't find a way to take this pain out my chest.
Why did things have to be this way? 
How is he just fine?
When each passing minute all I want to do is cry. 
I've been commended for leaving.
Everyone told me it was right.
So why every time I open my eyes does it feel like I'm going to die? 
I'm torn up inside.
No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I'm alright...
I'm not alright. 
I'm far from fine.
Stop saying it's going to get better with time.
I have to get all this out of my heart and my mind. 
Thank God for this.. Writing. 
I have no one to talk to.
That's not true. 
I just don't care to. 
My attitude is all out of Whack!
There is no getting me back.
That poor heartbroken girl is done. 
It's a wrap.
She will never resurface again.
The person writing all this out isn't familiar.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Or what I want. 
I was handed everything I asked for and just walked out the door. 
I've lost. 
Plain and simple. 
Maybe I'll go back to being silly and simple. 
Maybe that girl has been me this whole time.
A "Silly Simple Bitch" trying to shine!
While everyone was busy getting theirs, I was busy losing mine. 
I don't know why I even tried to be with that guy.
What in the galaxy was I thinking? 
Now I'm so sad I can't think straight. 
I suppose some believe all wounds heal with time. 
I know the wounds never heal, time doesn't heal a thing!
The trick is to learn how to live with the pain.
Trust is the hardest to achieve. 
If there is no trust, you can't learn to love and you will never be able to endure what's to come. 
I won't survive another fall.
My heart will turn cold and fall apart.
Crumble into little pieces. 
What you see on the outside is just a disguise covering up all the pain I will hide.
The reality is I'm hurt.
I'm crushed.
It's going to take me forever to clean all of this up.
Stop saying it'll get better.
I'll never get over this.
Forget about everything I did. 
All the time, wasted.
All those tears I cried.
All those years I was there.
Now you're no longer in my atmosphere. 
Nothing will ever compare or come close to how bad this feels.
I can't focus on anything else.
I can't wait until it's time to go back to sleep.
I'm so sad today.
I want to fall asleep tonight so tomorrow can begin.