Snake Eyes

Woke up in tears this morning. 
I couldn't even get out of bed. 
The dreams are horrific.
I just laid there and wept.
I swear every day is different.
I promise myself I'm ok.
I'm moving forward.
Then the next thing you know thoughts are creeping in. 
I can't get you out of my head or from under my skin?
You're there when I wake and when I go to bed.
You're in the songs I can't get out of my head.
I can't go one day yet.
Without thinking about it. 
I feel so pathetic for feeling this way.
I just keep going over things.
I catch myself wondering what you're doing?
Having time to reflect is crippling my movement.
Tears well when I picture your face.
I think about all kinds of things.
From the ramp up to those last few days.
Things I might have done different.
Words I could've said in another way. 
Now it's dead air what we share.
After everything and I'm just here. 
I can't make up my mind.
Whether or not I was right. 
I'm so sick. I'm crushed. I'm stunned.
You did everything to me you sought to do.
I hope you're proud of yourself for going through with what you did.
I hope it makes you feel like a better person for hurting me.
You hurt me worse than anyone I've ever known.
I keep thinking about all I put up with for you.
Everything you put me through.
How I went through hell for you.
I didn't even get any quality time.
It was never just you and I.
I just keep telling myself it's alright. 
Better luck next time.
The question now is how do I get you out of my head?
How do I get a good night's sleep?
Put it all to rest?
What is the trick to wake up not wanting to hear from you? 
Do I pretend that you're not important?
How did you just turn it off? 
Some days I think you were pretending the whole time. 
I was never important to you. Was I?
I was never anyone in your life.
You rolled my life like a pair of dice. 
Snake eyes.