I fell so deep so fast. I couldn't see where I was falling to but I knew I was falling too fast. Not fast enough to lose all track of time but just fast enough to lose 1/2 my mind. I was spiraling downward at a tremendous pace. I had nothing to grab hold of in an ominous space. I thought if only I could brace myself before hitting the ground maybe I could salvage some piece of me to be found. I have nothing left. I've lost it all. There is no stopping this treacherous fall. I have no direction. I've lost total control over my own descent. The one thing left for me to do is repent. I've been falling so long that even if I call I'm afraid that God won't be able to hear me at all. In the very beginning prayer was all I had but I lost my foot hold and my debauchery began. Jesus is my hope and stay but what am I to do when I feel like he's abandoned me too? God is almighty. I know he can see me falling I know he hears me calling. I'm reaching out Father but there is just nothing to grab hold of. The farther away I fall the harder the truth hits. Am I really all alone in this? Is Satan really going to win? I'm screaming so loud now the sound is resonating within. Please God, come save me from this. I don't want Satan to win. My heart belongs to Jesus. My soul yearns to follow him home. Please don't allow me to continue to fall? In him I desperately want to be found. I'm tired of falling. I just want to be back on solid ground. Without hope, with no faith I know there no possible way I can be saved. God says have no fear but I can't help but to be afraid in here. Down, down, down still farther I fall. I keep wondering who will be there to catch me, if anyone at all. I don't want to die this way. I still can't believe this is happening to me. I don't want to accept this is the ending to my story. I want to believe in God's grace, mercy and glory. God come break my fall, Please? Send down my guardian angel to lend me their wings. I still love you with all of my broken heart. I want so badly to trust you but that is the most difficult part. I'm in agony and the pain grows with each passing day. I never imagined I could ever feel this way. I'm ashamed. The more I continue to struggle the faster I sink. I feel as though I'm existing in a nightmare now and I'll never wake from this hell. I feel as though nothing can break my fall. I've been falling so deep, so fast. I can't help but to question how much longer this will last. Father you are the only hope I've got left. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know what else to ask you I've not already asked. I've made you aware of my pain. I've shown you my suffering. You've heard my prayers and my pleas. I gave you all of my fears and each and every single last one of my tears. I don't know how much further from you I can fall. I'm now stripped to the bone bearing my soul, Satan is ready and waiting to swallow me whole. I'm pleading with you now Father please come rescue my soul. Jesus said if I've accepted him into my heart that I am redeemed. He said you sent him to die on the cross for me so his blood would cover my sins and I'd be washed clean. He said I could ask you for anything. Right now I won't ask you for much. All I need is your reassuring touch. I belong wholly to you God. I still believe in your promises. Please lift me back up? Give me courage and strength. Renew my hope and my faith. Please lift my spirit high? I've fallen and without you Lord I can't get back up.
This is a testimony. I wrote this piece while I was incarcerated and about 4 short hours after its completion, I was released from jail. God listens even when we don't feel like he does. I never stopped trusting in God's perfect plan for me. God works at his own pace, when we can learn to let go and truly put our fate in his hands, he always delivers on his promises. Thank you God for your grace, mercy and never ending glory. All praise be to you Lord. I love you Jesus and I love you God. Satan loses again. <3 nbsp="" p="">
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