My ever changing

Some days I'm weak, most days I'm strong. Today is not one of them. It's the lyrics of that song. They brought me to tears thinking about how you really feel. I miss you still. Some days I think you miss me too, most days I don't. Your confusion tugs at my soul. I ask myself how I can love you so deeply and hate you at the same time. Some days I want to forget everything, most days I simply can't put it out of my mind. You stay aboard my train of thought, I don't recall when you boarded but I am positive you never got off. You must've missed your stop. Perhaps you fell asleep to the rhythm of my steady heart. Some days I will these feelings to let up, most days they just won't. What ever you did to me I can't recover from. I can only live in hope that inflicting this much pain on my heart was not deliberate because it stings every single day. I live with a constant ache. I can't escape you even in my sleep. You haunt my dreams like a ghost. Some nights I can see you clearly, most nights I just sense your presence. I always know when you're there. You are all over me yet we never even speak. Navigating through my feelings and yours is like maneuvering through a treacherously freezing, ice berg infested ocean on the blackest of nights. Not a star in the sky to guide us safely through to the other side. Maybe we were meant to drift afloat aimlessly never to reach the shore of the sea. Your message in a bottle never found my teary eyes. Some days I wonder if there is still a chance for you and I, most days I know better and brush the thought aside. You were never mine though I fantasize it could've been true. You have nestled into the confines of your life. I know I am not welcome in your realm. In an attempt to remain relevant I invade your cozy den and force myself into your serenity. Some days I feel like I am being a burden, most days I really don't care. I care to live in your universe even if that means we dwell on different planets. You infected me with your damage and there is no cure. Some days I want to crawl into your lap and hug you tight forgetting about the reality of my life, most days I will never even as much as catch a friendly glance of you. I am forced to admire you from afar which I've had to do before. It is not ideal but it will have to do. I can't get close to you because we still burn a furious flame for one another. Some days I don't believe that's the truth, most days I do. You will never escape the depths of my mind and heart, my love for you is eternal and beyond. I will always live in your memories now. Some days I convince myself that is alright, most days I just wish you would change your heart and your mind. You may be able to conceal your feelings but I can't. My ever changing love for you will never die.