Back Burner Lover

It doesn't hurt so bad anymore but I'm still sore. Even the dreams are few and far between. It doesn't matter to you but it matters to me. You changed something inside of me, made me different somehow and now I don't recognize myself; something you'll never know or understand. I like to pretend I've moved on from my feelings for you but then they resurface again and I'm back to missing you. I despise feeling like this knowing you feel nothing. I wish I knew a way to get you to admit I hadn't imagined it. Maybe then I wouldn't be so hung up on everything. I need to close the cover of this unread story book and place it back on the shelf to let it collect some dust. I don't enjoy reliving the past but it's hard to ignore you when you're right in front of my face. There is no solace in the distance between us. Especially not when I can reach out to you whenever I want. It's a comfort I don't want because it impairs my self control. When I do see you, you treat me like I'm poison and maybe that's exactly what I am though if that's the truth then, my love, so are you. My heart flip flops for you, one moment convinced I'd do anything for you and the next spent wishing I'd never met you. I've come to the realization that you're not good for me because of how easily you hurt me and how quickly you turned the other cheek. If you can inflict this much pain on someone you just met I can only imagine the damage you are capable of doing to the one who is closest to you. I find it hard to comprehend how you can allow me to take the fall for what happened and paint me as the villain as if I concocted this evil plan in some dingy basement on my own. If I am guilty of being the bad guy in all of this then, my friend, so are you. It took two for us to get here. I didn't create this mini series all by myself but I'm the only one recounting every line like I missed the plot. I'm tired love. I want to be done. I'm tired of thinking of you as a back burner love.