The Truth...

I'm not good enough for you.
I don't think I'll ever be.
My cracks still leak.
My wounds still bleed.
My bruises you can still see.
My eyes still cry tears you can't dry.
I'm battered.
I'm shattered.
I'm torn and tattered.
I'm dingy and old.
I'm used up.
I'm cold.
I'm rigid.
I'm hard.
My heart and my head are falling apart.
I don't want to be a project you can't fix.
I'm still hurt from pain you didn't inflict.
What good am I to you if I can't heal fully from it?
I tried to tell you this from the beginning.
I don't want to commit with only half of my heart.
It's not fair to you.
You deserve better.
You deserve a fresh start.
I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not.
Who I am, you won't want.
I'm not perfect.
I'm raw.
I curse.
I'm loud.
I'm rough around the edges.
I have a smart mouth.
I have more moods than you could count.
I'm not the best mother.
I'm not the best role model.
I'm not the best daughter.
I didn't have the best role model.
A part of me died when I lost my Father.
I'm not the greatest friend which is why mine are few and far between.
I can be ugly.
I can be cruel.
I can be very mean.
I'm petty.
I still pout and whine.
I can be be pretty childish at times.
Sometimes I even misplace my own mind.
Sometimes I just want to be left to my own devices.
How could you love someone with so many vices?
Why would you want to put up with this?
There are billions of better women out there.
Ones you won't need to fix.
Ones who don't need to heal.
I'm not even that pretty to be fair.
I don't know what you see.
I don't know why or how you love me.
I can't understand why you want me.
I know you deserve someone much better than all of this.
I'm afraid you've created this person in your mind.
This woman that is not me in the least bit.
Someone pure and Godly.
Someone meant just for you.
A woman who is on the same level as you in your spiritual journeys.
What if you decide I'm not her?
In time, all of this will be exposed.
What if you decide you don't want me anymore?
What happens when you realize you can do so much better?
What will I do when my greatest fear comes true?
I'm going to lose you.
I'm not good enough for you.
I know I will never be.
I don't deserve you.
That's the truth.