My Pain

Don't apologize after the fact. Don't attack me just because I react. Just like everyone, I have a breaking point too. I am human just like you. You can't blame me for expecting things when you do the exact same thing. Don't play the victim, neither one of us are innocent. If I'm being honest, neither one of us deserves this. Not all things were meant to be, maybe we were one of them. Our paths crossed. We came, we saw. Now it's time to move on. I can't pretend that this doesn't hurt anymore. I can't see you and not want more. We need to go our separate ways. Our directions are not the same. I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to wallow in pity. I'm tired of the reruns playing in my memory. I need closure. I need space. I need change. I need something different. I need to cash in on my one way ticket and never look back. I am so over feeling like my feelings don't matter. Like my pain can't be cured. Like all my life has ever been is one huge disaster. I've been holding onto so much lately, my knuckles are bloody. I am beyond frustrated trying to convince myself I deserve better than this. No one should go through this. No one should have to deal with the weight of the World. No one should feel like they have no body. Despite my faith, I am desperate for a healthy outlet. I thought I was mad but it turns out I'm just sad. Somehow the things I try to convince myself always come undone. I end up hanging by a thread. I am in constant fear of falling. The worst part is I can't see what's below me. It's terrifying. I need you to grab me, pull me to safety. Hold me close to your chest and tell me it's ok. If I can't convince myself, perhaps you can do a better job. I know I have been given another chance. One last attempt to do things right. No more fear. No more tears. No more insecurities. No more poor choices. I want to move with confidence. I yearn to feel safe. I want to belong to someone who knows all of these things so I don't feel like I need to explain when I have a bad day. Look into my eyes and comfort me with your breath. I don't need words, I need worth. I don't want to be alone anymore.