Make me different

How'd he do it?
He made me different. 
He broke me.
I'm broken.
Lost in a sense.
I can't say I blame him.
It's not like it was on purpose.
It was high time for a change anyway.
I was sick of myself.
I never listened to the way I felt.
The life I've been living was bad for my health.
I was like second hand smoke to those around me.
When cancer is found the only way to get rid of it is to cut it out.
He made me realize I needed to be cut out.
My presence was like a contagious disease.
Infecting any one around me.
I couldn't be spread any longer.
I had to be quarantined.
Contained.
Terminated.
I don't think he meant to do it but he did.
I've completely changed my outlook on everything.
Pain.
Relationships.
Feelings.
Friends.
Love.
How I see the World.
The way I treat others.
The way I treat myself.
How could someone I barely know impact me so?
I still don't know.
I've come to accept I probably never will.
It doesn't matter now anyhow.
He had the power to make me different somehow.
I don't want for the same things I used to.
I want to be good.
If not for him, for someone new.
My focus has shifted.
The weight I've been bearing has been lifted.
He did it.
I am different. 

Voracious

Awaiting the pin prick
A drop of blood forms
A tiny droplet drips
A shark is on the scent
She finds her prey
He lured her in
She circles in wait
He never saw her coming
She is mighty in her feat
He had no chance of escape
She devours her meal
He was her favorite flavor
An average story
Always ends the same
A predator and a prey
A voracious appetite never satisfied. 

You

What if I told you that I'd wait forever for you and that if forever never came that I would remain alone for you? What if I asked you what love is to you and how you knew? Would you tell me the truth? What if your heart was telling you one thing but your life was telling you something different and you knew that if you were to listen to your heart you would be saved? What would you do then? Would you cave? Would you give in? What if you could tell that what you have is not a sure thing and that what you could have would be true? What would you do? Would you let go and try something new? What if I told you I would protect you and that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you? How would that make you feel? What if I said to you that I loved you and that I only wanted to be with you? How would you react to that? Would you even care? What if I told you I would take care of you in every way and that you would never want for anything with me? Would that prompt you to think about everything? What if you look in the mirror one day and realize you're not completely content and that you knew you needed a change? Would you look for me? Would you call my name? What if I told you I have already given you my heart and that I didn't want it back? Would you throw it away in the trash? Would you leave it gift wrapped on my doorstep? Would you want to keep it? What do you think of me? What if I told you my feelings for you were real and that if you took them serious you would realize yours were too? Would you deny it or tell me you love me back? Would you go on like nothing had changed? Would you come to my rescue? What if I told you that you were just a dream and that you've never really existed? What if I could prove it? Would you believe me then? What if I disappeared? Would you remember me? Would you think of me from time to time? Would you wonder where I was and if I were ever coming back? Would you miss me at all? Would it make you sad to not have me around? What if I told you that I'd wait forever for you and that if forever never came I'd still be here? If you asked me what love is to me and how I knew, I'd tell you the truth but I know I wouldn't have to because you already knew.

Perception

The boldest pain is the one no one ever sees. It dwells deep beneath the surface like a monster of the sea. It waits patiently to feast. It festers and grows rampant like wild weeds. It crushes everything in it's path. It blinds the eyes and takes over the mind. It steals all of the focus and robs all of the senses. It's the songs that play on repeat. It's wanting to reach out but always choosing to retreat. It's the tears fought to keep at bay. The welling that has no escape. Walking away when you prefer to stay. It's laying alone at night. It's dreaming of their face. It's seeing them and pretending to be ok. It's feeling crazy and pathetic. It's going over everything they said until none of it makes sense. It's losing who you once were. Losing the thrill. The wanting things to be different. The sitting awake reminiscing. It's becoming accustom to tasting salty tears. It's realizing your greatest fears. It's losing the only thing that ever came close to making you remotely happy. Having nobody. Having someone who doesn't want to have you. It's all of the unanswered questions. The guessing. The relentless waves of unwanted emotions. Being swept asunder. The never knowing. The idea of never. This pain that no one ever sees hurts the worst. It's rabid like a feral wolf. Always sitting in the darkness ready to attack. It's loving someone who doesn't love you back.

Placeholder

What if all he'll ever be to me is a placeholder for where you are supposed to be?
Nice for a spell but no comparison to what we share.
Sweet and polite but never just right.
Handsome in his own ways but he doesn't have your eyes.
Keeping warm the spot in my heart that I have already reserved for your love.
I don't know that you'll ever return to claim your rightful throne.
You're the only Arthur to my stone.
He's bright but you illuminate the darkest parts of me.
His fire could never imitate your flames and paint shadows all over me.
He could get me started but he could never keep me going.
He can make me smile on the surface but you entertain my soul and my spirit.
He stirs my curiosity but you stir all of my senses.
He's only temporary but will you ever become permanent?
I like him sure but I love you more.
He's here now and you're out there somewhere still.
While my eyes are fixed on him my mind is focused on you.
While my hands are on his skin my nerve endings fiend for you.
It's his voice in my ear but it's your voice down my spine.
My heart doesn't stop crying for you.
I can't quiet down my mind.
All he'd ever be to me is a placeholder in the space of my life where you are meant to live.
Sucks for him.
Sucks worse for me.