More than 3 wishes

I really wish things didn't have to be like this. I can't go one day without thinking about it. You cross my mind more than I'd like to admit and I don't know how to deal with it. Maybe there are still traces of you inside my heart and when the blood starts to pump from my heart to my brain I think therein your presence remains. I still have so many things I'd like to say to you. I have a lot of questions that I'd still like answers to. I still feel in some ways the same. The stinging from the pain has subsided for the most part. I've accepted that we both had to move on to a new start. If that statement is true than I have to wonder why the majority of my thoughts still include you. Why is it so hard for me to go one day without reminiscing on our history? If I feel like you utterly disrespected me and never truly cared for or loved me then why would I have so many thoughts of you running through my mind all of the time? Is it possibly because not enough time has passed yet? Is it possible that I have regrets? I didn't prepare myself for feeling this way. I thought once I was gone I'd never feel the same. I thought leaving you in the rear view was the right thing to do. I knew you'd never try to understand my motives, I wasn't expecting you to. I wish we could start over. I wish we could have a do over. I wish we could erase it all and start again. But would I really want to go through all of that again? I also wasn't expecting to miss you this much. I hate that I do. I hate that it's true. I hate that even upon convincing myself I'm perfectly fine with out you I begin to doubt that's how I really feel. I guess I'm still waiting to wake up from this nightmare. I really wish I'd never met you. I really wish I never fell for all the bullshit you spewed. I really wish none of this was true. I predicted it all which is why it's so hard for me to let it go. Nothing I ever did for you matters now, it means nothing to you or I. You're happy now. That's all that counts. Me, I'm still feeling it out. Being alone is no fun. Everyone wants to find true love. But being alone is safe and that works for now. I just really wish I could get you out of my head somehow. If you should ever come across a genie in a bottle will you tell him to give me a holler?