Dangerous Dreams

I saw you first. You hadn't noticed me standing there in your suit and tie. You were so alive in my eyes. I wondered to myself, "Who is that guy?” Apparently I had caught your eye too but it's something I never knew. You were always out of my reach. A mere fantasy. A daydream. Someone I admired from afar. A superstar. I could never suppress a smile in your presence. I'd feel my cheeks flush when you got too close or whenever you spoke. I soon found you to be someone I excited to see. No one ever made my heart flutter just by walking in. Your presence did something inexplicable to me inside. Something about your aura stood out to me. You just have an amazing energy. You're someone I wanted to meet. Handsome to beat. A style with which no one could compete. And oh that sweet voice, those eyes, that smile. Your incredible hair. You, just standing there. The temptation was too strong to deny. Who would have thought you felt the same way? I never imagined one day to find myself sitting down across from you. Just you and I with no one else around. Looking at me the way you do. I was a nervous mess trying to play it cool. Unsure of how much I should disclose to you. Uncontrollable smile pressed upon my red stained lips. Laughing way too much at everything you said. Yet, there you sat, answering candidly all my obnoxious inquiries about your life. Your openness was like a fire. You were more inviting and warm than I could've ever imagined. You made it easy to break you out of the crush in my head. View you as a prospect instead. I had this idea of how you'd be and I was way off. You're like a cyclone of information and radiating energy that I couldn't resist to chase. So instead of listening to my instincts I sat there and fired back. Our energy was magnetic. Our chemistry unequivocal to anything I've ever experienced. Neither one of us wanted to leave. We stood for a while beneath the moonlight, contemplating moves. Leftover food. Looking up into those amazing eyes, leaning dangerously into you. It didn't take long before a decision was won. I'll never know if you'd planned to kiss me or if it was spontaneous on your part. Either way it felt right. Made my night. Sent me afloat. If they hadn't been strapped to my feet I may have slipped right off my heels and melted into the street. Had it not been for my already immense crush on you I can't say for sure if our first kiss would've been so immaculate? You sparked a flame in me. Planted a field of dreams. We went from strangers to lovers in a matter of moments. And just like that you were mine. Was I crazy to let you in so abruptly? You made it easy for me to welcome you into my life. I guess I didn't put up a very commendable fight. I wanted whatever you were offering. It's safe to say I was being too greedy. It's not my fault you taste like candy. We spent another few hours just cuddling, talking, laughing and learning. Then you left me and I could hardly wait for the next day. You gave me a reason to be excited again. You brought me back to life for a second. The next few weeks were a whirlwind of romance and anticipation. You took me out of this world in more ways than one. You took me on a magic carpet ride. You led me to an ultraviolet light. You showed me the future. You taught me that I am beautiful. You introduced me to the most magnificent music. You made me believe in love again. Now I know it does exist. It must. How can two people share so much of themselves so quickly? Why would you say those types of things to me? I know what I feel isn't fake. It's very much real. A weekend passed and we hadn't spoken. Time away from you now is agony. So Monday when you asked to see me I was drenched in delight and couldn't wait to see your face. It all ended that day. You said you couldn't see me anymore. In my heart you ripped a hole. And just like that you were gone. Our world imploded with just a few words. You left me just as suddenly as you came. I didn't have anything to say, I was stunned to silence. So you got out and I drove away. I cried hard that day. I wanted to run away and never come back. I've never known a pain like that, probably equal to that of a heart attack. You left me broken and torn. I've never felt that pain before and I've been through plenty of pain but that was intolerable. That was a few weeks ago now. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't how I'm supposed to move passed the wreckage. You really were like a tornado. Tearing through strong and fast enough just to leave an ugly scar. I miss you more than you could possibly imagine. I'd do it all again in a nanosecond. You filled me up. You had given me hope. You brought me back to life. Inflated my heart just to turn it into a bull's eye. Inadvertently made me cry. I've had men come in and out of my life but they left me unscathed compared to the damage of your wrath. You have left me in a perpetual state of disarray. I can't focus on anything. All I see is your face. I'm unable to shake the sadness. I can't go one day without thoughts of you impeding my already fuzzy focus. I'm more of a mess now than when you found me. I knew this was a sure possibility but I just couldn't resist. It was you after all. Wonderful, unimaginable, delectable, amazing, Superstar, pristine you. How was I supposed to control my feelings? How was I supposed to say No? In the same respect, how am I supposed to just let you go? Wander out of my life just as seamlessly as you entered. I am afraid to say I can't. What does that mean? What will I do with me? I'm back to admiring you from afar only now it hurts. Everything I once marveled at is challenging. I pray for glimpses of you then when you appear I recoil. I catch myself wanting to reach out knowing it's not the right thing to do. What did you do to me? You put me under your spell and I fell. You woke me from a peaceful slumber and brought me back to life. Now I'm close to death. Living only half a life. I'm stuck between a state of sleeping and dreaming. I don't want to bother you. I don't ever want to beg. I'm trying with all that I am to get you out of my head. I am desperate to let you go because I know that is what you want. No matter what your happiness is all I care about. I want to respect your wishes. I can't go on like this. I would give anything for you. I will do anything for you. You're still so alive in my eyes. Beautiful you. What I want most of all is to wake up from all of this. Go back to that day. I'm still standing there in the lobby. Admiring you from afar. Wondering who you are. Hoping someone will make you smile once more. Nonchalantly looking for a ring. I don't know you and you don't know me. You have no idea I even exist. You know absolutely nothing about me or my mess. This was just one helluva dream. Should I ever wake up again I promise myself to never remove you from your pedestal. Please wake up Linds so you can play it over again. The end.