Pink Rose Petal

He loves me, he loves me not, pickin' petals from a pink rose he bought me for my birthday once. He denies me with his words but I can see the lies behind his eyes when he looks into mine. You can't hide when I'm standing right in front of you. He pushes me away at every opportunity but pulls me close when we embrace. You wouldn't squeeze me that way if you didn't want to. You wouldn't tolerate my presence at all but you do. Why do you when you know you're not supposed to? Isn't breaking one rule the same as breaking them all? He says things that hurt my feelings but I can't tell if he does it intentionally. You said you wouldn't be mean then again you said a lot of things. I don't know what I'm supposed to believe. If life were a playground we could be found spending our time on the see-saw because we never balance out. Someone will always be up while the other one is always down. My head is wandering up in the clouds while your feet are firmly placed on the ground. How is he so strong? Why can't I be like that? Oh right because he already has someone to keep him warm at night. I hate living in this cold, painful reality. He doesn't see the damage he has caused me and the pain he has planted inside of me like a seed of sorrow it grows with every passing sun. He doesn't care to know the way I feel about him and he's made it clear that he will never reveal how he feels about me. You have bottled up every single tear drop that has ever formed on my lids and fallen down my cheeks along with your thoughts of me and you've buried them somewhere deep never to be found, silenced in the ground. He doesn't love me but he's always there. He doesn't want me but he pretends to care. He desires me somewhere inside but he traps it in like the darkness traps the light. I'm constantly overthinking everything and I wish I could stop. Only you can make it stop but I can't bear to watch so please be gentle. Instead I'll keep counting the seconds on a broken clock even though we both know our time is up. The vacancy sign in my heart won't ever change to occupied. He left a tiny puncture wound that will forever seep with the love he left in my heart's vast emptiness. He's gone forever now but I see him everyday and it's the most glorious painful thing. A ghost in the shell of the man I would treasure to keep for my own. I can only hope it was real for him and not just a dream for me. The minute memories will fade and he prefers it that way or at least that's how he makes it seem. I want him so badly to want me but he loves me not cries the last petal from the pink rose he bought me for my birthday once. It shriveled up and turned to dust before it ever hit the ground. Forget me not somehow, I prefer lilies now.