Two in One

I cried many tears last night. Some sorrowful, some grateful, some for love lost, others for love found. With so many emotions stirring around it's hard to hold them in. Life is down, then it's up, then it just plateaus and leaves you feeling stuck. Just when you think everything is going smooth you hit a bump, try crossing a broken bridge, or run into a dead end. When life's pain brings you to your knees there is nowhere else to look but up. I want so badly to trust in that to a point where it feels like I'm being set up. Instead of relishing in his blessings I'm too busy looking for a way out. Why do I always do this to myself? Sabotage is that old friend that only comes around when things are going good again. I'm tired of having to question his motives and my worth. I can feel the distance growing between me and my youth. Why won't I allow myself to believe that I do deserve to be happy? I'm so overcome by this joy that it knocked me from my feet and I've lost control. When will I learn that I am not in control of my own destiny? God has his route programmed into the GPS of my life but I'm too busy looking down at my own map. I get lost like everyone else. I turn right when he tells me to go left. Why is it so hard to accept that I am the product of my accomplishments? Instead of looking forward to what lays ahead I spend so much time reflecting on my past. God is tugging me from the left and I'm pulling to the right. When the error of your ways is blocking out the light it's ok to open the blinds. At my lowest point, God provided a helping hand in the form of the most desirable man. Just when I had lost all hope for a happy ending, God gave me this new beginning. What if it was always meant to be this way? Mister "What If" has caused me to rethink everything. When I believed I was doomed to die alone this amazing man walks into my life and tells me that I don't have to go it alone. Not anymore. Now I'm standing in the midst of the rest of my life and his, and the choice is mine. Do I take this man's hand and allow him to guide me through the rest of life's treacherous obstacles or do I stay here and stand alone? God designated man and wife to spend forever together, not to be left alone. I pray God is telling us both that it's time to turn our two into one. God, let your will be done.