Worth the risk?

It was your choice from the beginning and you never had to look back, we were already on separate paths. It was her, then me, then her, then me and whoever else you wanted to see in between. 1, 2, 3, 4, and now 5 and only the good Lord knows how many more of your seeds were spread? What could possibly have ever changed that never did, still hasn't and never will? If selfishness were seeds you would have been buried six feet deep and have already been sprouting trees. If selfish was a disease, you'd have been dead for years and we all would have shed our countless tears. But you're not dead, you're still very much here and it is still numbingly clear that selfish is your life and determines your own path. I'm not in your line of sight but instead lost in the past, locked away with all of your inner thoughts. I'm officially a chapter in one your books that has been overlooked and shook from the pages of your most gorgeous memories. I hate that you chose this road because my worn mind still wants to believe that this wasn't a feeble attempt and that hope still lives. It is tragic that after all these years you still can't seem to figure out what makes me tick. I have learned to live in your routine but was finally breaking free and creating my own routine but you couldn't just let me be. Now I'm on my five, looking up at the sky, preparing for my climb once again back to the top of my life. You knocked me down, brought me frowns, took my crown and left me to drown one time too many now and forgot to consider what a tremendous swimmer I am. Now I'm out of the water and back on dry land and unlike you am ready to build a foundation on sturdy land. My plan has been planned and if you would have only played your hand could have been part of it but instead have chosen to pull yourself out to be with friends, alone in a sense. I guess that is what makes you tick, not having me by your side is a cinch. I just hope and pray it was worth the risk.