Utterly Numb

She's so accustomed to the disappointment and the pain. I was shocked that she was so hurt by it. What was it about him that made her break? Now she's saying she wants to change? Everything she's ever done has never worked. She always ends up worse and worse. She always gets the short end of the stick. She gets hit, spit on, knocked down and kicked. Why does she even get back up? Where does she muster up the strength? Why is she so apt to pain? Why is she so fucking stupid and insane? Why does she keep going back to the same asshole again and again? What does she see in him? All he ever does is kill her spirit. She loves that shit. She must want to be left lonely again and again. She loves to see him happy. It's just never with her. She's always the past never his future. She's the reason they learn from their mistakes. She makes them better for the next. She has been worn so thin. There is hardly anything left for who ever comes next. She'll break at the sight of him. She's like a dam full of cracks. Too far damaged to ever be repaired. She's the fuckin relationship whisperer. Having marital troubles? Fuck her and all your problems will disappear. She has the magic touch. Having trouble finding the right one? Fuck her and the love of your life will come right along. Why did she ever allow this for herself? Why does she always settle for hell? She doesn't even fight back the tears anymore. They've become an integral part of who she is. The sadness is ingrained in her DNA. She doesn't seem to know any other way. Self-pity. Self-loathing. She'll convince herself she's fine. She's past 9 lives. She must be a vampire because no one can sustain internal injuries of that magnitude and survive, time after time. Or she's the walking dead, no brain but functioning dead alive instead. She has completely given up. On love. Relationships. Marriage. Happiness. Her faith has waned. She's so fucking plain. Plateaued. Flat lined. Dead on arrival. No pulse. Lost all hope. No revival. No concern for her own survival. No resuscitation. She's lost all imagination. No morphine drip. Utterly numb to the pain. She finally called it quits. Down to every last nerve and vain.