Butterfly Kisses

They come to us in the form of butterflies from which their realms are unknown.

They often come in the form of tiny, winged messengers to deliver messages of joy and feelings of home.

They flutter around us in times of triumph and also in times of tears.

They flutter around us like little reminders that our loved ones are still near.

I like to think that when I see the tiny creature flutter on by, it's a lost loved one dropping in to say, "Hi!". 

It blows my mind to think how far they must have travelled just to remind us it's ok to wear a smile.

It warms my heart to think about what it means to be missed when a beautiful butterfly flutters by to leave me with a tiny butterfly kiss.

Flutter high in the sky little yellow butterfly.

Flutter far and wide.

Flutter high in the sky little yellow butterfly. 

For a day will arrive when God calls us home to flutter side by side.

-To our loves, lost. In our loving thoughts and memories, always.- 

Back at it, again

Writing wasn't just a phase for me; it was the maze that led to the beginning of my journey. 6th grade poetry love was the catalyst to spark the plug that sent energy spiraling through to my fingertips. Then the pen injected ink into my bloodstream until I overdosed on words. Without you, my love, I'd have no true identity. I'd be just another fishy in the sea, swimming around aimlessly. You gave me, me. I fell so deeply in love with you that I never wanted to leave. I'd wake up to the rhythm of melodic words floating in my head every single day. I would ride roller coasters of recited emotions to sleep each night and dream of pushing fresh ink across the pad at daylight. Writing is in, and is me. You're the way I capture thoughts that are fleeting. Encapsulating moments and memories on pages within documented phrases. My chronicled life is the key to immortality. My legacy gets to live on forever because I meant it when I said I'd never stop. I could never walk away from my first true love. I am all in until the bitter sweet end. Until they pry the pen from my cold dead hand. You will always be my greatest friend. What a glorious way to say aloud just how proud I am to be a writer with a pen. 

Tuesday and So Slow

I'm cold and it's lonely and all I want is for you to hold me. You left when I asked but you should have stayed to console me. Now it's been days since I've seen you last and my heart is miserable and sad. I want to reach out to you but there is nothing to say and all I feel is shame; just makes me want you to stay away. Why did you leave me alone when you know we both have a hard time on our own? You used the excuse that I needed space when it seems to me that excuse went both ways. What happens when we get to this place? Why can't we ever stay on the same page? You say you want what's best for me. You say that you'd do anything. You know what I want but you just won't budge. What's best for me is You. If you'd do ANYTHING for me then make your move. I need to be rescued. Isn't that your favorite thing to do? I am confused by you. You say one thing but your choices show another. You say you want to be with me forever but you won't even start the timer. I know what you're going through but that is no excuse to put our lives on hold. God's plan is the only one that makes sense but you just keep trying to make changes to it. The truth is you have no real good reason or excuse not to want exactly what I do. If it's something you can't or won't say to me out loud, then maybe we should just chill out. I need to be with you, every day for the rest of my life. I want someday to be your wife. I want our kids to be happy and set them up for success. I want what's best for us all. You want what's best for yourself. I am having a very hard time right now. You wanted to give me space so I'm going to take as much as I think I need and I know this isn't just bothering me. Hopefully you'll figure it out and see for yourself that being apart is not where it's at. I can't force you to react but I can stay back. So take all the time and space you think you need. When you're ready to actually move forward with OUR lives, and turn what's mine into yours and what's yours into mine, you should know where to find me. I'll be in this sad and lonely place, right where you left me. All I want is to be yours, if only you'd let me. 

Fallen petals

Ruthless beginnings lead to tragic love failed endings. Every gambler's fate. Always running out of time to collect their winnings. There is not one safe place. Everything is out on the table. Everyone is being exposed through their fables. Fear has swept us all. The future is hard to call. Where to go from here? Up, up, and away or stay still and fade. No one enjoys feeling afraid. They don't choose to be left behind. However, when the train whistle blows, you've got to get up and go. You can't run and hide. In order to stay ahead of the pack, you've got to be quick to react. This does not mean attack. Patience and gentleness are something we lack. 

Stay Woke

Been feeling all outta sorts lately. Like I could do more maybe. Feeling like you aren't enough is always kinda rough. I find myself often questioning how I got here. Like the days of my life aren't real. When I couldn't have it, this life had so much appeal. Now it's mine and it doesn't seem real and most days I don't even know what I feel. How is it possible to feel happy but sadly? Like her loss was my win but did I really want it that badly? How is that supposed to make me feel content? I got what I got but did I earn it? It's crazy how we can want for things but the manner in which we obtain them can make a difference in how we feel when we finally get them. Like winning a race because the guy in first place trips and falls on his face. Yea, you still won, but that poor guy you left back there in the dust. You ain't even stop to help him up but you're up there claiming "your" Gold cup. Why are we so inclined to go after what is forbidden from us? Like being burned by the fire after being told, "Don't touch!". Why are the things we should steer clear from the same things that captivate and intrigue us so much? Like staring into the sun or down the barrel of a loaded gun. Why is bad so much fun? If you could have a conversation with Satan would you choose to do so or let the opportunity pass? What types of questions would you ask? I'd want to know what in the hell is his plan? Like, "Why you mad?". I would say to him, "You had your chance to spend time with your dad and instead you chose to be bad. I am not afraid of you and neither should anyone else be. You are literally nothing. Go back to where you came from and loosen your grip some. Let us make our own choices of where we want to spend eternity from now on." Satan has such a tight hold on the World's souls and for me it's getting old. People are so mad, mean, and angry these days. It makes no sense to me. How people can so easily be so mean and ugly. We are obviously all hurting. I propose that until the trumpets sound we all just need to chill out. Take a chill pill. Relax. Only listen to the facts. Think before you speak. Think before you react. Before you jump to mad, look at the entire situation at hand. Sometimes things don't always appear as they seem. Sometimes it takes a little digging. It's a well known fact that nobody likes an ass. Be kind. Unwind. Call your mom and thank her for giving you life. Be what you want to be. Do what you want to do. Your life wasn't created to be lived by others, your life was meant to be lived by you.