Gone Fishing

I have too many confessions swimming around my head so I let them bleed out through the pen. I wrote how I felt instead of speaking the things I should have said. Instead of being blunt and up front I hid all of the important stuff, forgot to tell you where you should look along the way and left the missing pieces scattered throughout the pages. If we would have just sat and had that chat maybe everything would be different. Lies can't be told with the eyes and I needed a verbal confirmation, your inside information or some type of explanation as to what you were feeling leading up to those last moments. Physical feelings do have meanings but emotions toss those physical feelings like minnows into an ocean. If no one ever dives down to dig deep for answers that need to be found the unexplored remains the unknown for the rest of time. I have issues with never making any of them mine. I was too busy searching for a lost good time. I gave up before my time and gave in to my vices and sins time and time again. I'm still marinating on the idea that one day I'll stumble upon a person that can somehow beat the odds. Since I've had this thought I stopped looking for what I thought was lost. Not all is lost. Is it bad to say that til this day I still have hope that I'll make someone mine someday? Even after all of this time? I can hardly choose a side. I'm stuck dead center between marriage and the single life. I'd love to have someone to call my own and know in my mind, heart and soul I belong to him too. But is that enough to give up my solitude? What else is there to do when the one person you want doesn't want you? Will there ever be any clear and concise clues as to who can assume the role of "the one"? It makes me sad to think about all of the men I've let in and which ones I let down. I often think about what it could have been if I had chosen and settled down with one of them. Will it be someone from the past who sweeps me off my feet at last or will some new date have the bait to reel me in for good? Sometimes things are clear but often times things can be misunderstood. For now I'll leave my bait on my hook.