Lost and Found

We all walk in the same direction, away from the subject. We talk over each other and fumble in mid discussion. As if it were up for review we sit and judge character flaws of those we don't even talk to. We sit and read boring scripts to one another like a painful job interview. They act like they don't look but they see, pretend not to listen but they hear me. It's time to vent, hell bent on getting away from sin, him, all of them. I try to hold it all in but it explodes from the pen while my words soak up every drop of this ink. My vision turns from red to pink and I take time to think of all the things I wish I could say to so many of you. Then I sit back and remember it's pointless to attack, react, speak facts. I'll never get the respect I deserve if you've already turned your backs. You're not here now and you never really were. Going through the motions does not constitute a good time in my mind. Instead of always worrying about what someone's got to give you why not just look back and be grateful for what you've had? You argue that it was me who pushed you to leave but I don't have telekinesis and I don't control your feet. You walked away from me, you had an option and chose to leave. So how again do you all blame me? I don't take responsibility for any of you forgetting about me. I talk to myself everyday which is more than I can say for most of you. Some of you look into the mirror and can't even recognize your own face. If you tried having a real conversation with yourself inside your head you'd get lost in outer space. Instead of saying what you really felt you tried saving face, tossed me under the bus and left me in the dust. You know what, that's ok. I just get back up, wipe myself off, turn the other direction and walk, jog even sometimes run away from the crowd. I give up searching through the lost and found for feelings that will never be claimed. That's ok too because my feelings are true, clear and on the table for everyone to review. I never lost the feelings I have for you but over time I will. Even after the feelings have gone though I'll still keep the memories I have of you. You can't toss those in the trash the way you did our chances to last. So I ask myself why keep coming back to look in this empty box when no body is looking for what they have lost? I haven't lost much but time. What I found is that you have your lives and I have mine.