What does the future hold?

I'm sorry I was so mad before, I'm not anymore. I'm sorry if I said so many hurtful things at one point but it's because I was hurt. I can't take back the things I've done and I won't take back the things I've said but I can accept that they were wrong and try to right my ways. I'll never be a perfect person but I can always ask God to help get back on track should I lose my way. I just want all of you to know that I realize I've made mistakes. How ever many mistakes I've made whether countless or just a few, the lessons were meant for me to learn, whether I have or not does not depend on any of you. I blame all of the pain in my life solely on myself except for losing Pops, now that one sits on it's own shelf. But everything else I know for a fact I did to myself. Trusting liars and gambling my heart on cheaters. Playing with busters and scrubs and never having a rhyme for my reasons. Never seeing the worth in myself and not listening to my feelings. I see now after all the years of pain and tears how a man should treat his lady. A relationship between two people has to be something sacred. Just like the tiny ring you put on the others' finger; a constant circle. Never to be breached by anyone or anything. I never found that in any one. I thought I was in love. Maybe even a few times but none of those fools ever loved me back, at least not hard enough. I'll always fight for the one I love but I guess none of them felt the same. It's ok. I found someone willing to change the last name, willing to carry my suitcase, willing to play the role and comfort my soul everyday. The way he says my name just makes my whole world quake and to think that when the time comes I won't have to feel alone in his embrace. Patience has not always been my strong suit but I'm willing to lace up my combat boots. I'll go to war for you. I'm a soldier. A child of God. Where he shines the light my feet will run. Sun rise after sunset he gives us everything we have. I won't do anything now that will set me back. I have a clear plan and will follow that. I will not be deterred from what I'm trying to do. Nothing will stop me from accomplishing my goals. Nothing will keep me from continuing to better my soul. Nothing can stop me from following my dreams. Nothing will distract me from God's divine design for my life. No one will keep me from what is mine. I never knew what a huge lie I was living in until one day I took a step back and repented my sins. I corrected most of them but some things you just can't change and sometimes you just have to know when to walk away. So walk away is just what I did and now my life is making sense again. I am grateful for where I've been and everything I've learned but I'm anxious for what the future holds and I'm still waiting my turn. Sooner than later that time is going to knock on my front door and I will finally get the forever I deserve and have always longed for. I now have all of the love and support I could ever need though not everyone thinks very highly of me. I wish there were a way I could change all of your hearts but I know things I've said and done will never leave your minds. I know I hurt you all at one time. I apologize. I pray for your forgiveness and as God as my witness pray you accept mine. I know now that things between us will never be the same and I am ashamed that the blame is mine. What I'm to do now is forget you somehow and let our relationship dwell in the memories. I promise to cherish the times we had, giggle when I recall the times we laughed, hope you get everything you wish to have and pray for your happiness and overall success. What will become of us now remains to be seen. When you get older you learn you have to just wait and see.