Tidal Wave

When someone rips your heart out and tears it into bitty pieces, how long does it take to get it back to beating? How long will it remain torn and tattered, bruised and battered and bleeding before it heals completely? How much pain and hurt does a person have to endure before they become numb and dead to the world? What all does a person have to go through until they're broken beyond repair? What would it take to bring them back from that type of despair? Does the amount of turmoil a person has been through directly correlate to their strength? Will it ever change? Will the pain ever fade? Is it right to feel shame? I'm ashamed I allowed it to continue for as long as it did. I feel like I wasted precious time that I can never get back again. I trusted when I shouldn't have. I learned to lean on a broken fence and in the end lost sight of what it meant to mend. I permitted another to tear me a part from limb to limb and leave me for dead in a puddle of sin. I gave in when I should have held my ground. I stayed quiet when I should have made a sound. I lost the war against myself and in turn lost someone I cared about. Now we live on opposite ends of this desolate battlefield and there is no common ground to be found. Once you've been knocked down how long will it be before you can get back to your feet? How much time is enough to mourn a death? How much time do you need to get over a failed relationship? You make me feel like I'm not allowed to take some time for myself. You make me feel like I've been easily replaced by someone else. You make me feel like it's not alright to want an explanation of why. You make me feel guilty because I still cry. I can't explain why the pain is real. I don't have the answers for why the hurt is true. Am I still in love with you? No. Nothing is further from the truth. Do I wish we would have tried harder to make it work? Nope. Do I regret letting you walk away? Not one bit. Our logic conflict and our stories don't fit. Correct me if I'm wrong but at one point in space and time we did think alike and share the same goal. Which is what led me to believe that we could revive some sort of rapport. Now it's just battles all the time. What went so wrong that prevents us from getting along? Why can't we agree that we are better people for separating? Why do the things we do and say reflect the pain? Why won't the wedge in between us just go away? For a while I thought that maybe one day we would find a middle ground but now I know that was just wishful thinking. We are on exchanging planes. It has to be a give and take. Pain is the common denominator. God is the only solution to all of our problems. I have to pray and ask him how to solve them. For now it's best to keep our distance and focus on God's mission. This way it is not my nor your decision. Let's leave things in God's hands and continue maintaining our own positions. Moving forward is what we can agree with. As long as moving forward means there is no looking back, no revisiting the past or trying to revive subjects that are dead. Moving forward looks like being nice and civilized. Thinking about the other. Caring for one another. Showing gratitude and respect. It's been a long road and it's still a long path ahead. Pace yourself and prepare yourself with God's steadfast word for what comes next. Arm yourself with his protective love and faith. The future is coming upon us like a tidal wave.