Real Time, Real Talk

The minutes don't stop tickin and my heart ain't quit beatin, we're still eatin over here. The days keep on comin so I guess that means another paycheck comin and last I checked we're still breathin fresh air. I wish I could ask why some of you still care. Is it pain or anger in there? Either way I am sorry you feel the way you do. I too had my own issues I had to work through. I know what it is to give in. I know how it feels to do something for nothin. Give up. Trust no one. Live in an empty existence. Settle for less than what you want. Feel like love just ain't enough. I never saw myself as strong. I always thought I needed someone else in order to get along. I didn't believe I could do it on my own. Could never figure out how to credit myself. I always felt my very best was never good enough. I was a liar. I lied to myself for so long and tried justifying the stupidest things that I began to believe in all the crap I was saying. I've made my own way and made up my own rules for so long that I got burned out, worn down. I had to get out of that way of thinking and the only way was to stop speaking and start listening. It is so easy to fall into the same patterns but you have to find the will inside yourself to break out of the hell and break free from the pain. We all have our own side of the story and we all tell it differently. Ya'll could never understand the weight I bear so why would I let your opinions disturb me. I'm far from where you think we left off. Really, I've completely fallen off, I took off, got back up and dusted myself off. I'm moved on. I don't hang onto old junk, I can't be around the funk. I have to back up and stay out of the mess that those who are still trying to make it their own ways create. You don't have to feel bad for taking me out of the mix, I don't feel bad one bit. I am way happier for it. I have surrounded myself with an army of soldiers who are slowly but surely helping me take down my boulder. I am in a good place and nothing else exists. I will find my way but it won't be on my own it will be through him. If you still don't know who he is I suggest you go read the last few blogs again. Stop runnin from your faith. The calling will never go away. Focus on him and stop focusing on your way, follow his plan and everything else will work out. Give your anger to Jesus he can help you out. ;) Leave another comment and thank you for motivating me. Even though you didn't have the guts to leave your name, I will make sure to keep your anonymous soul in my prayers. (;  xoxo's ;)