Crossed paths - Had to get this off my chest

I can't say I'm surprised by any of this. It was all lies from the jump. I was never meant to be the one. I just wish you had spoken up. It's tough to accept that an entire year has already passed and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. Except embarrassment. What is harder to accept is that you have completely moved forward and don't plan on ever looking back. All that mess about missing me was just pretend, like everything else you ever said or did. You say I should've never left but what good would it have done to stay? Why won't you just admit that you were never happy with me? Not even one moment. Now you have a kid on the way. What a slap in the face. As if the wound wasn't already painful or deep enough, you just had to open it up and drench it with salt huh. Definitely true to who you are and your style. Hurting people just for the phuck of it is a pass time for guys like you. I'm used to it, just another one of your lies to add to the pit. You were never in it as deep as I was. You never truly believed in our love. You never fully opened yourself up. I've had to just accept so many things to move on from all of this but the one thing I wish you could admit was that we were a mistake from the get. I awready know that you never actually loved me, that's not something you ever had to say, it was written in all the things you did and your ways. What is it besides pride that prevents you from being honest with how you truly felt inside? All I want is for you to admit that I was not what you expected and you weren't ever going to be happy with me. Instead of being honest about it, you took it out on me and my kids. We both had our trust issues from the beginning, it was no secret. Oh well, life will go on, just like you said. We will both move on to experience great things. I guess what I am most upset about still is the fact that I will never get credit for how willing I was to please you. I did so much just for you, wasted 5 years of my life. All for nothing. I can't even call you an acquaintance. No one will ever know what we went through. All the stupid shit I did for you. The sacrifice. Rearranging my entire life. Our story goes to the grave with just you and I. It stings but to help ease the pain I do need to get this off my chest. I was always in communication with my baby dad. You should've known that. He's always going to be a part of my life and no one can ever change that. We have kids together and there is no other reason why we speak other than them. You were just too childish to accept it for what it is. So instead you created a bunch of shit in your head and acted on it. You're some piece of work but for that matter I am too. For the record, we never did anything foul while he was in town but he was in the hotel room with us for a while. The one you payed for! Laugh out loud. Oh yea, and my uncle hooked me up with a few hundred bucks while I was still staying with your folks. You never knew about that either. Hmmm, what else, let's see. I never slept with my kids dad though, not even when we went to court together even though you accused me of that too, that's not true. Honestly, none if this even matters but it makes me feel better to have it all out there. I have to move on too and this is just the process I use. I guess I wasn't really serious about you either or else I would've  just stayed and tried to work shit out. Some part of me feels like I was just doing it to get back at what's her face, Bugsy. Yep, I wanted her to know and now she does so I guess that's all it ever was. You used me and I used you. I never really cared that much about you neither. In reality you were just a rebound. I wasn't even over my ex yet when we started to date. I never stopped seeing guys while I was out here by the way, you were just the dumb ass who listened to all my problems and you bought every lie I ever spoke. An admittance from us both that what we shared was fake, none of it was real is what needs to happen here. We used each other to the bitter end. Now I can't even call you a friend but looking back at all you did I can honestly say today that I wouldn't even want to call you that. You deserve what ever you get and so do I. Neither one of is perfect or right, I know I messed up but at least I can admit it. You will never admit to the shit that you did. I just have to live with it. I will continue to pray for you because that's all I can do. As for me, I'm a distant memory, a face you will soon forget, a name you will hate to say or hear and the only girl who can say she was ever brave enough to walk away and leave you hangin. I didn't lose anything by losing you. From now on you will stay hidden in my past. God used you to teach me a valuable lesson and I'm grateful for that. I truly wish you all the best, even though you're a total ass. Life is finally looking good to me again and that my friend is how the cookie crumbled. My jumble once again has been un-jumbled. Take care. God bless. I pray we never cross paths again.