People Hurt

War. Drugs. Murder. Rape. Suicide. Deceit. Infidelity. These things wouldn't exist without people. We are leeches for pain. Just like a stubbed toe or a paper cut. People hurt. I wasn't ready to face the truth yet. I needed a few days to process shit. I wasn't ready to deal with you yet. Us. This entire situation sucks. I can't believe we ended up breaking up. Dumb luck! Just so you all know, I have completely given up on love. I'm done. To you, my friend I have this to say. I got played. You and your brother handled me like a wet mop. He used me then passed me off. And you, well you were the biggest con. You studied me before we ever spoke. You learned me so you could turn me. I can't believe I fell for it. Toon was fool me once, shame on me. But you fooled me twice, so shame on you. None of it was true was it? You pulled the wool so tightly over my eyes that I turned into your fool. I lost sight of who I am to please you. You cast me in your play and I took the role. You were playing me like guitar strings for 11 months. Just to turn around and punch me in the gut. I don't even know where to start. I am trying to lay out my thoughts and feelings like a map but I can't keep anything straight in my head long enough to even put the pen to the page. I'm not even sad. I'm hurt first. Embarrassed last. And for the last. I have put my guard all the way back up, and this time no one is ever getting close again. 3rd time's not a charm, more like a sham. It's all good though. It was a good lesson learned. Now I can give up without feeling like I did something wrong. Now I can move on without obligations to anyone. Now I can move forward and never look back. I'm glad you pointed the spot light on my flaws. Thanks! You're right, I need to focus on MY relationship with God. The moment I let my guard down was the moment I fucked up. I should've trusted my instincts and NEVER let you or anyone else in. I am destined to roam alone. I've accepted my fate and I will live with it. My soul is not your concern. My salvation is not your  mission. My happiness is not on your to-do list. Let me go. You're free! That's that bitch life and her perfect timing. I'm bitter now but I'll get over it someday. I don't believe in "meant to be", there is no such thing. The reason I don't want to be around you is because I don't want to be ugly and mean. I hope you will understand. I told you from the beginning you deserve better than me. You lied so good for so long. You actually had me thinking that I had an actual shot at a happy ending waiting for me. What a whole crock of horse shit! Ha. I'll be laughing all the way to grave for this one. If there is one thing I've learned from you, it's that people hurt. You hurt me but I'll never say exactly how much. I wish you the best of luck. I'll just be here, stuck, picking all the pieces back up. I know this isn't the last time I'll be left to clean up my own mess because as long as humans exist, people will suck.