Wild animal rescue

I just wish it would all go away. The pain. I wish I could wash it away with warm water like a fresh blood stain. I'm in so much pain. It's gushing through my veins. I hate that I gave you so much power over me. I hate that I allow you to make me weak. I can't think. I can't eat. I just want to move on. I want to be done. I don't want to see you in my head so much. I don't want you to exist in my memories' Playlist either. I wish I could just make it all disappear. I wish you were never here. I wish it was all just one huge fucking nightmare. One big correctable mistake. I'm so afraid of what I'll build up just to lose next. I was strong in my solitude. I used to be content in my loneliness. I was oblivious in my sadness and tragedy. You took that away from me. You gave me false hope, false reason to believe. I can't believe I fell so fucking hard this time around. What is wrong with me? Always falling for a breeze. Here one minute, gone the next. When will it not be just about sex? When will I learn my lesson? When will it be enough with the self-destruction? I try and try and try to convince myself I love me. I try to be someone I'd want to meet. I try to make myself believe that I'm worthy of something. Anything. But it's all just a bullshit facade. I'm nothing. It's clear to me. It's the only thing I believe. I used to know that. I had accepted it after the last. Stephen was no fkn picnic to get over. Now I'm in more pain than ever. Of anyone I have to lose I never wanted it to be you. I tried to warn you from the start. It's not your fault. I didn't stop your advances. I risked my chances. I rolled the deiss. Now I've lost it all. I played when I should've paused. That's the story of my life. I'm just an "Oopsie" for you. And you're just another guy I foolishly fell in love with. Don't try and make it something that is isn't. None of this would've ever happened if I would've treated you different. I'm the one who should've said No. But I don't care enough about myself to know when to say No. I'm selfish. I'm trouble. I'm impatient. I need to be alone. I need to have hoes. I can't let myself get swept up in emotion. Not with one man. It's not my disposition. You've failed me and your mission. There was never anything about me you were fixing. I'm a venomous viper who struck you once. You fell victim to my venom as the poison coarsed your blood. You were in a toxic indused stuper. Hopefully I sucked out all of the poison before returning you safely to your own abuser. You're not welcome here in my lair. Stay where you belong, with the nicer, normal folk, away from the wild, rabid, venomous killers like me. I need closure. Stay in your own enclosure. It won't be like this forever. A few more months and you'll forget me all together.