There are Plenty-O-Fish in the sea

It's 5:30 in the morning and I'm yawning. I'm sleepy but I can't sleep. I hate the feeling of defeat. He don't love me and he never will. None of them ever did and they don't still. I'm ok with that now but it still hurts somehow. I'm alone right now but I won't be forever. Unless that's God's will then I'll be ok with it still. The loneliness is only temporary. That's what they keep telling me. Life alone just seems so scary. I see the tragic triumph in her eyes as if she won some magic prize but boredom lies beside her you can see it in his eyes. He misses my thighs, my lips, my touch, my soft skin. I don't miss him much except for when I hear a song or want a hug. I met this guy that was nice at first but then he turned into a grouch. I told him if I wanted to be treated that way I would have tried to stick it out. I told him the same thing I'll tell any guy who wants to be an asshole, I won't allow for some dickhead to treat or speak to me just any old way. I've had enough of being treated that way. I am allowed to be, act, look, feel or say any damn thing any damn way. I'm going to say something if I have something to say. I'm going to look at you if I think you have a nice face. Excuse me for being so fucking sweet all the time. I'm not one to just sit back and hide. I like to express what's on my mind. A trait of mine that obviously intimidates their kind. I've tried being mean and nasty and rude, it just doesn't look good on me and instead I end up looking like a fool. I'm a lover and a giver. I nurture for a living. All I ever wanted was to take care of somebody who would let me and love me for it but got ditched so he could run off and get hitched to a young, ugly, silly simple Bitch. I guess I'll just have to wait to see who will come along and scratch my itch. Who will have room for me in their niche? Will I ever find my match? Is my fish still swimming alone out there in forever or has my fish already become somebody else's catch?

When Sparks Fly

Colorful climaxes call the shots when relentless rainbows fill the spots in your eyes like blinding rays of sunlight beaming from inside you. Looking directly into the sun will surely be blinding so I'll politely close my eyes too. Pure passions then burn through the day light until the sky's moon takes reign over the night. What have we done with our time? I am but a tiny delectable morsel on your smorgasbord of choices but yet you stay as to say I am delicious enough. Your infallible incisors clamp down tighter with every manic motion I make as my attempts to escape seem staged. I am the prey trapped in your instinctual cage and I know you will devour me whole if I do not escape. Your idle hands have traversed the mountains of my anatomy while my moans and screams were the only things to escape from me. You've turned me into the biggest deceiver as I've said it so many times before that I would leave here and never return to endure your seductive scorn furthermore. I have defiantly disobeyed a direct order to about face and return to the former. I am not leaving you in this place when you are colder and I am warmer. Come with me now and together we can become stronger for ourselves and for one another. If you should walk away now you will have decided our fate. I am not to be bothered with your chemical satisfaction when my consequences will have their own actions. Selfishness seeps in and the sin begins again. Your strengths are pulling me into the tide beneath the waves rolling me asunder, my heart roaring at me like thunder informing me of my unfortunate blunder once again. I can't leave you here but I can't take you with. Our magnetism is simply remarkable in that it is nearly impossible to try and keep my distance from you. Your light shines so brightly I can see it illuminating the sky from any point in the World and it yells for me to soak it in even when I try to shade my eyes it somehow inches in. I thought I'd be safe in my underground cavern but you dove so deep that hide and seek has become our pattern. You seek while I hide. I run while you fly. You survive while I die. I say I'm not yours but you're saying you're mine. I want this to work but I'm admitting I don't know how. This is all too Crazy for you and I. I joyfully jump off cliffs as a hobby of mine but I will not allow you to stand next to me in my defeat so please just leave. It's safer for you and me if we retreat. You have to get out of my life, retract those statements from my head, take back those images imprinted in my brain, stop shining that bright ass Light Beam in my face, tell me how not to think of your face. Stop my pain permanently. Stop kissing me there, you've made your motives clear. Unless you come with me now and declare you're mine, my heart will remain in pieces. I've been down this road before and won't get pushed around any more and I think I've waited long enough to get my happy everlasting love. You say someday but I'm saying now or never. Nevers never last for forever. I am alive, I can breathe so let me make these decisions for me. All you have to do is say the word and there will be no more back and forth. Please don't ask me to open any more doors. I don't need one more disappointment to realize you're the one I want. I'm really into your voluptuous lips and this but I can't jump off this cliff with you just yet. I'm still holding on to an anchor that has not dropped yet and my head has been over run with Ghost Ships. Maybe we can jump someday together but for now you have to be the ground because I am light as a feather. I am too wobbly to carry on alone. I like having you here reminding me that anything can be done. Any trial can be overcome. Any race can be won. Seeing your smile provides me with automatic support and purpose. You don't have to come striding in on any White horses. I don't need somebody to rescue me, I was left for dead and had no choice but to rescue me so I did it for myself. All I need now is for you to come around and see that I'm here for you now. I cut the dead weight that was dragging me down. I let the last ship sink so now I know what to do to make it to solid ground. You can offer your help but I probably won't take it. I'll take what you probably didn't even know was up for the taking and you won't even know it until it's too late. You nor I can decide our fate we have to decide it together. Until then I'll keep wondering about your laws and theories and how it might taste to have a real kiss. I'll always be with you tomorrow. I just can't promise today. So kiss my lips softly one last time before we part ways as I close my eyes as to not be blinded by your rays. I can only hope and pray this will come true someday. I'll miss you every moment til that day. When sparks fly. 

EX-Factor

Ex-Factor Lauren Hill

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

[Hook:]
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me

Exercise

This was written 03.13.2012 taken from Chronicle #9. Enjoy.

Exercise

Run to exercise your heart.
Lift weights to exercise your muscles.
Read to exercise your brain.
Listen to exercise your logic.
Sleep to exercise your sub-conscience.
Dance to exercise your soul.
Listen to music to exercise your spirit.
Play to exercise your inner child.
Eat to exercise your senses.
Pray to exercise your faith.
Speak to exercise your voice.
Swim to exercise your freedom.
Sing to exercise your energy.
Laugh to exercise your pride.
Live to exercise your knowledge.
Love to exercise your life.

Pain

This was written on 01.20.2012. I am revisitng past entries from Chronicle #9. Enjoy.

Pain

I fought so hard. I cried. Got on my knees and even begged. I cut ALL ties without planning on ever looking back. I laid on my back and let him take me back. Now a mother for the 5th time I realize how bad he hurts me. Nothing has changed and I fought so hard for what? Why would anyone be with someone they doubtedly loved? I surrendered myself, my heart and all of my focus on him, to our love once again. And for what? Now I'm back at square one with all of this pain once again? All the pain that I had already let go? All the pain that I killed and buried in Atlanta's red dirt. But it came back from the dead and landed right back in my head. All of the past has been dug up and thrown in my lap. Again. I have to sort through all of this hurt one more time. Why, when you knew he never loved you and gave his whole self to others, would you ever give your already delicate heart back to him again??? Now it is broken beyond repair and sits exhausted in your chest barely able to keep you alive. Do you think you will ever be able to give it away again now? After all of the pain that it's undergone. Even if you're willing to give it away again no one will ever be able to mend the wounds and make it whole. He stole your heart, your happiness and your life. On top of that he gave you 5 more hearts you have to make sure don't break. I wish there were someone else to blame but it's all your fault. You knew the pain he was capable of inflicting on you, yet you let him back in anyway. You deserve everything that is happening to you.

Sincerely, Stupid