It's your choice

Four short years ago my life was so different. I was unhappy, lost in a sense, unknowing of where my life was headed or how I was going to get there. Now, 4 long years later I am the happiest I've ever been, I have begun a relationship with my one and only true God and now I am aware where my life is headed and what it will take to get me to where I want to be. I've cut ties with any anchors I was dragging along. I'm still working through some painful experiences but with the Lord by my side I know I can put it to rest for good. I will not allow my past to hinder my future. God brought me out of a volatile situation and delivered me to safety. I've been studying the book of Job in the bible and through Job's story I've been strengthened in knowing that suffering is a part of life. We should never question why it is that we suffer but instead we should ask How we should be suffering. I've learned that no matter how upright a person is with the lord that they too may suffer and experience turmoils. Job never turned on God or took his anger out on God. He was strong in his faith even though he wanted to die. His suffering was greater than anything I've ever been through and yet I have the nerve to question God. Slowly but surely I've learned that our lives are not for us. The sole purpose of life is to serve God and to do it with grace and joy. God wants us to be happy, yes, but the way in which we strive for happiness is not the right way. True happiness can only be attained by serving the Lord and serving him in gladness. God also asks us to love and care for others. He asks us to forgive and have mercy on those who transgress against us and those who we feel have wronged us. I believe that each person is on their own journey. Even though I've been through trials and tribulations of my own, I don't blame God or anyone else for that matter. I've learned that it was the choices I made that took me through the things I went through. It took me a while to realize that God was with me the whole time but never once did I call on him. In those times when I was struggling the most I know now I should have called on God. Instead I tried resolving my problems my own way which only ever led to more suffering. God is always there but we don't always call on him. Now that I'm older and have begun to inquire about God's love and am pursuing a relationship with him through his son Jesus I've noticed prominent changes in my life. Not to say I don't go through hard situations or that I haven't struggled but it is easier to deal with things now when they don't necessarily go according to plan. I know that in my lowest times I can call on God. I know that I'm not alone and when I feel the World bearing down on me I can pray. Being in a relationship with God is hard. It's hard because as human beings we live with our sinful nature day in and day out and it's hard to always choose the high route. We are programmed to retaliate when we are attacked. We want to believe we are in control of our own destinies. When someone treats us or someone we love poorly, it's natural to want them to suffer as much if not more than they've made us suffer. I used to be the queen of tit for tat. I used to harbor old feelings and had a stock pile of ammunition ready just in case anyone wanted to come at me. It seemed like I was always in confrontation and continually putting myself in situations that surrounded me with drama and mess. I'm telling you now folks, leaving that lifestyle behind was the best decision I've ever made in my whole life. Walking away from fights and holding my tongue in pointless arguments changed the outcome many times. Forgiveness is easier said than done. I still have issues and I still have questions. I still cry. I still curse. I still have trouble treating people who are mean to me with kindness. I am having major issues with forgiveness. The beauty is that we have unlimited access to the Bible which has all the answers I'll ever need. God is there for me in my struggles. He will be there for you too if you pursue him. Don't end up lost. To pursue happiness is to pursue God. He loves us all and is a very loyal God, he just wants our love and loyalty in return. It all begins with a choice. Yours.