Beloved Heartbreak

I'm so mad right now I just have to get it all out. I would say once and for all but I feel like this more often than not. Why can I not just have what I f****** want? I am sick to death of feeling this pressure around my heart. It never lets up and the f****** music doesn't help. I can't stand torturing myself. I want you so bad. Something I'll never have yet I just can't give up. I hate living life with this constant pain. You won't leave my mind. F*** time healing wounds, it's a lie. I don't know what's worse, not having you or not knowing the truth. I want so badly to be done with it all. I wish I could just forget about everything we shared. I don't want to care. I hate you for leaving me so sick. How can you live like nothing happened? I want to be like you but I am nothing like you. This hurts. I have filled my life with so many things that I'm drowning in my own distractions but no matter what I attempt to do to erase you, you're still there. Get the F*** out of my head. Evacuate the warm shelter of my heart, you don't live there and you never did because it's not what you ever wanted. Life is so dull. You're robbing me of my light and I don't know how. I can't stop thoughts of you invading my mind. I can't combat the way I feel for you all the time. I can't be as strong as you. Of all of the things I've been able to overcome in my lifetime why can't I just climb over you and descend peacefully back into my own reality. My life without you in it. I don't know how much longer I can walk around living like everything is ok when my entire existence is pain. I'm so mad right now I just had to get it all out except I know even though the sadness has subsided for now it won't ever completely go away. You are my favorite mistake. Beloved Heartbreak.