Obsessed with a ghost

 

I was hoping to hear the familiar tap on my window this morning but it was the chime of my alarm that woke me instead. I wake to the sound of your voice and images of your face in my head. I wish I could understand how you left such an indelible mark on my heart. I wish someone else would come along who could permanently erase you from my mind. I still miss you all of the time. The music still doesn't help but I relish in the soothing torturous melodies that fuel the flashbacks and memories. They're all I have left. It's more than safe to say I'm obsessed. Here we are, days from a new year and 8 brutal months later I'm still not over you. It's been months since I kissed you last but I can still taste your tongue and lips. What I would give to feel you pressed against me, hear your steady heart beneath your chest, inhale your marvelous scent. I've never experienced such a yearning. I understand why we ended but it doesn't dull the longing you left me with. I tell myself every day that you're gone, that I need to move on. The truth is evident that no one compares to you. Each time I'm with someone new, all I can think about is the time I spent with you. It was too easy to let myself love you. Now, I catch myself walking around with my face to the ground. I trace the steps we took together as if it makes a difference. I hide my tears these days in an effort not to look so damn pathetic. I don't want to remember you yet I fight so hard not to forget. Once you've had the best how is it possible to live without it? I wish I knew how to explain my feelings for you. I wish more that I didn't care to. Why must I spend time fishing for explanations to the inexplicable? If time is the key to letting you go, he isn't on my side. If moving on is the way to leaving you behind, I am walking backwards. If finding someone new is the answer to getting over you, he has taken an open ended vacation to the moon. I am a disobedient child when it comes to heeding my own advice. I'm more stubborn than a mule. I don't ever want to give you up because I miss you too much. Perhaps I feel this way because you miss me too. I miss you most. I'm undoubtedly obsessed with a ghost.