Always his Pawn, Never his Queen

I'm so broken over this. Is there a way to go into hiding without actually hiding? I'm finished fighting. Done trying. I'm raising the white flag. Get me off this front line. The blame is on me this time. Big surprise! Isn't it always my fault? I'm just a dumb idiot for believing a clown could be serious. Or perhaps I am the clown in this mess? I don't even know what to think anymore. In fact, I just need to stop thinking altogether from now on. Ignorance is bliss, count me in. or start drinking more?? Nah, continue praying more? Sure. It can't hurt. Pray for me? For my sanity. Pray that someone worthy of my broken heart will come along. Pray that I can keep my head on straight. Pray I don't lose my way again. Pray I can just get by, long enough in the hours of the day, not to hang my heavy head to cry. No more tears over that guy, over any of them. I'm so tired of being left in the cold. I don't want to witness one more man use me up, spit me out, and move around to the next, or the ex, or the girl with better tits, or the one with no kids. I believe I'm cursed. Or just used up. I have nothing left for anyone to want. All I have now is God. My faint, faded faith. I am dizzy. Light headed. Maybe because it's 6:38 am, and I haven't slept since Stephen told me he fucked his kid's Mom. Man, I'm super extra dumb. I really do fall in love with anyone. As long as they're tatted up, and fresh out the pen, ready and willing to tell me anything, just to get me in the sack and NEVER look back. That's my type? Right. Any more takers?? Just line up here, sign the non-disclosure that says, you can't stay here. Read the fine print also, it says no one is allowed to make me smile, or joyful, or happy long-term. It goes against my nature, to get anything better than fucked by a stranger. There is no point to any of this. He hurt me, so now I hurt him. I can't do it any better than to leave these words here for the world to see. You hurt me. I lose, The End. Shows over for now folks. I'll keep y'all posted for whenever I let the next tatted convict in.