K.O. 1st Round

Pain doesn't quite cover it. Confusion, doesn't fit. I understand what happened, I'm far from confused about it. Upset, nah, not really. Angry, no, but I should be. Shock! Closer yet, but still not quite the descriptive term I'd use to describe how I feel today. I keep hearing my own voice say, "What the hell just happened?", "What did he just do?" Did he really just make that move? For what? Why? Moving on with so many questions floating around inside is hard. Letting go of a love because it was only one sided sucks. All I can hope for is the best for both of us. I am slowly beginning to see the truth. You never loved me. You wanted to, that I can believe. You let fear come between us and you weren't strong enough to keep your shield up. Everything you said about the way you wanted to live was a lie. You said, "My feelings got the best of me". That was your "excuse"?? Well my friend, if you let your feelings get the best of you every time you want to get your **** wet, you may have a big problem. First with me, then with her, what makes you think you will ever be strong enough not to cheat on anyone? I'm not saying that's what you did because we were not together but still, what happened to your convictions? Where has God been when you were making these decisions. You also said, "What we did was dumb and foolish." Well, I guess I should say the same about ever speaking to you to begin with. I should've trusted my instincts. You're still married, and now you're just sleeping around. I understand though. I understand who she is to you and the history there. That, I get. Why you chose to pull me close is what I don't understand. Honestly, I'm not even surprised anymore. You've only been out 3 weeks and she's already managed to cloud your better judgment. If I were the type of person who says, "I told you so!", now would be the perfect time to say it. I knew you were going to change. When you wanted to separate the month before you got out was the biggest red flag. My dumb ass should've just stood my ground and left you out. Now, I'm convinced I was never meant to cross your path. We definitely forced it. Perhaps that's why you and I both had our doubts and always felt uneasy about everything. God Speed. You move in your direction, and I'll move in mine. I am going to dry up my tears, hold on tight to my precious memories of you, pick my head back up, and move forward at my own pace this time. I have to leave you behind. Once, and for all this time. You were never going to be mine. I never stood a chance against your past. I just wish we hadn't taken it this far to avoid the hurt. I guess we'll never ever know now what kind of life we could share. Take care.