Congrats!

It's so hard, not to fall back into this trap. Of all the names on the "Do Not Answer" list, his is the ONLY one I'd gladly pick up. I'd like to front like I'm strong enough to keep it moving but I know in my heart, that for him I'd take two steps back. I'd stop, pause, hit rewind a thousand times, if it meant more time with him. I always never realize how badly I miss him until he's in my IM's again. I couldn't help myself so I reached out. I said, "I graduated" and he said, "congrats". I told him I'd settle for a hug and he said yes. Here we fkn go again Linds. Not this one again. He left you for dead like dust on a shelf a long time ago. You said, you'd leave him in the past where he belongs. He's number one on the "NEVER SPEAK TO AGAIN" list, yet here we are again. What is it about this human that turns you into such a walking contradiction? What power did you give him? Why him? He's just a man. A very tall, handsome, sexy, intelligent, exquisite, accomplished, well-dressed, finessed, spectacular in bed, pristine specimen of a man. Pfttt. And??? And, now we're going to do the thing where we try and convince ourselves we can do better than him. So let the commencement of convincing begin. You may all have a seat. I am just going to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground this time around. Yes, I am curious to see if anything will come of this but I won't hold my breath. He is unattainable. I know this, but he also responded to my IM. If he hated me, or even disliked me a little bit, if he didn't want anything to do with me, if we weren't special to one another at some point, then why would he bother responding? Why would he want to coordinate a meeting just to hug me? Why wouldn't he just block me instead? I know he cares, whether he shows it or not. I know he still thinks I'm hot. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe talking to him again is reckless. Maybe I'm going down a destructive path that will take me right back to lost. At this point, I am already so far gone. I guess I just don't give a f*ck! I guess I just want what I shouldn't want. That's always the theme of us. He's the forbidden fruit I should stay far away from. He's also the sweetest fruit I've ever had the pleasure of taking a bite of. It's just one hug. What could possibly go wrong? Congratulations!!!