He had been showing signs that he was ill for quite some time. It had nothing to do with me but of course I'm the one to blame. If I knew things were going to turn out the way they did, I might have taken better care of him, of myself. Now he's dead. What have I done? I really loved him but our relationship was a toxic one. We were like an old married couple just going through the motions. He knew I wasn't happy with him anymore and I could feel the pull. I wasn't, I needed something new and he knew it. He tried to kill me on several occasions. We were on a dark and dangerous path. I felt like if I didn't kill him first he would kill me. So I acted. More like reacted. I still can't believe I actually went through with it. He was good to me in the beginning. He was reliable. He was sexy. He was my everything. What is it about love that allows feelings to fade? I know he loved me too. He still does. We haven't spoken since he left. I just thought we'd always be together. Now it's death did us part and we'll never get to share in the joys of one another ever ever again. He's just a hunk of junk, and I'm the one who pulled the trigger.
RIP Phoenix 2007 - 2019 I will always love you, miss you, and remember the good times we had together, just you and I.
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