Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

Aren't you somethin' to admire?
'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice
You reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and
The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always
Parallel on the other side

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Aren't you somethin', an original
'Cause it doesn't seem merely a sample
And I can't help but stare, 'cause
I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you
You reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now (please show me, baby)
I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

You are, you are the love of my life [x10]

Now you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are

You are, you are the love of my life [x8]

Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do

You are, you are the love of my life [x16]

Real Time, Real Talk

The minutes don't stop tickin and my heart ain't quit beatin, we're still eatin over here. The days keep on comin so I guess that means another paycheck comin and last I checked we're still breathin fresh air. I wish I could ask why some of you still care. Is it pain or anger in there? Either way I am sorry you feel the way you do. I too had my own issues I had to work through. I know what it is to give in. I know how it feels to do something for nothin. Give up. Trust no one. Live in an empty existence. Settle for less than what you want. Feel like love just ain't enough. I never saw myself as strong. I always thought I needed someone else in order to get along. I didn't believe I could do it on my own. Could never figure out how to credit myself. I always felt my very best was never good enough. I was a liar. I lied to myself for so long and tried justifying the stupidest things that I began to believe in all the crap I was saying. I've made my own way and made up my own rules for so long that I got burned out, worn down. I had to get out of that way of thinking and the only way was to stop speaking and start listening. It is so easy to fall into the same patterns but you have to find the will inside yourself to break out of the hell and break free from the pain. We all have our own side of the story and we all tell it differently. Ya'll could never understand the weight I bear so why would I let your opinions disturb me. I'm far from where you think we left off. Really, I've completely fallen off, I took off, got back up and dusted myself off. I'm moved on. I don't hang onto old junk, I can't be around the funk. I have to back up and stay out of the mess that those who are still trying to make it their own ways create. You don't have to feel bad for taking me out of the mix, I don't feel bad one bit. I am way happier for it. I have surrounded myself with an army of soldiers who are slowly but surely helping me take down my boulder. I am in a good place and nothing else exists. I will find my way but it won't be on my own it will be through him. If you still don't know who he is I suggest you go read the last few blogs again. Stop runnin from your faith. The calling will never go away. Focus on him and stop focusing on your way, follow his plan and everything else will work out. Give your anger to Jesus he can help you out. ;) Leave another comment and thank you for motivating me. Even though you didn't have the guts to leave your name, I will make sure to keep your anonymous soul in my prayers. (;  xoxo's ;) 

Moving On

The conversation today went great. A weight has been lifted that I feel I've had for what seems like ages. After all of my contemplation I was given a mirror with which I was desperate to see the reflection. A few burning questions were revealed from beneath the steam. I am finally able to replace the pain and guilt in my chest with breath. I am once again free to live my life. I can move past the past and let go of the strife. I can wipe away the dirt and grime and start with a clean slate. I will grab onto the baton and finish the race. No matter the outcome I know I come in 1st place. I am at peace. I have a new found will. I've been given a new lease. I'm ready to move in, move forward and begin again. The best things in life are made from scratch, built from the ground up and not easy to mimic or match. Life is a continuation of time but I am beginning to discover that my life is a continuation of light. Through the daily battle between wrong and right I have found the darkness is always stomped out by the light. At one point I was ready to give up and give in to the dark side but God reminded me that he is with me and renewed my fight. Now I can never turn back to that life. I have no time to slack. I've learned to think before I react. I have to be a role model for five souls. Can I take on the task? Am I prepared for that? I need you God to continue to guide us along this path. I won't move without you and I know now what it is I am meant to do. I understand my purpose in this world. I am yours. I know your plan for us is unthinkable, unimaginable, irrefutably the best way possible. I ask you lord to guard my soul. Keep me rooted in my faith and knowing that you will never turn me away. I am full when I eat your fruits, consume your word and share my knowledge with my children so that they too may be full in their spirits. You have given me all I can account for and I am eternally grateful for your son Jesus and the sacrifice he made for my sins. I would be lost in this life without knowing that truth Lord. So thank you. I will fail without you God. Let my life be a testimony to those struggling that even the lost have a way. Anything can be done through faith. I am here to forever serve you and play my role as a soldier of the light. I will fight for what I believe is right. I won't lose sight. I will never stomp out the light. God is the way and with his grace we will live to write another line, smile another smile, breathe another breath, turn another page, live another day. Life is this amazing gift. Embrace it. 

109 days and counting..

Finally ya'll. The countdown is finally winding down!! After almost 5 years of being in communication Toon is finally coming home. My man will walk out of that hell hole he's been in now for 8 years in 109 days and counting. May 13th 2015 will be the day he walks free. We will finally get to share a real embrace, kiss each other's lips without an audience, talk without time constraints or restrictions on what can be said. I'll be there when they open the gates and I'll be the first person he sees. I'll be there when he sheds his first happy tear, when he eats his first bucket of fried chicken and when he sees his family for the first time in the free world after 8 whole years. Words don't really express the feelings, emotions, anxiety that I'm experiencing with such a momentous occasion looming. Each day that passes is one day closer to the beginning of a brand new life for me and my family. My daughters don't shut up about seeing their Papi and visiting the Midwest this summer. My kids will finally have the daddy they've always dreamed of and deserve. A real man who will stand up and be there for them when they need their daddy the most. He'll be there to give them advice, kiss their foreheads before bed and make them feel safe when they need to be protected. Toon will be the man my children consider a father. We deserve our happily ever after. For now we will continue doin what we're doin, hope and pray that in 109 short days we can turn the last page on this horror story and begin a new book. We will be given a new life. God has brought us this far and I put every ounce of my faith in God that he will take us where we need to be. There is no way but up from here. It doesn't matter what happens now there is no stopping us. 109 days to freedom. 109 days to love. 109 days to the end. 109 days to the beginning. 109 days and counting.. 16 burgers to go baby!! Hahaha. Te Amo mi mor. TNT Cartoon n Cachetz I'm comin for you bayB! 

Tidal Wave

When someone rips your heart out and tears it into bitty pieces, how long does it take to get it back to beating? How long will it remain torn and tattered, bruised and battered and bleeding before it heals completely? How much pain and hurt does a person have to endure before they become numb and dead to the world? What all does a person have to go through until they're broken beyond repair? What would it take to bring them back from that type of despair? Does the amount of turmoil a person has been through directly correlate to their strength? Will it ever change? Will the pain ever fade? Is it right to feel shame? I'm ashamed I allowed it to continue for as long as it did. I feel like I wasted precious time that I can never get back again. I trusted when I shouldn't have. I learned to lean on a broken fence and in the end lost sight of what it meant to mend. I permitted another to tear me a part from limb to limb and leave me for dead in a puddle of sin. I gave in when I should have held my ground. I stayed quiet when I should have made a sound. I lost the war against myself and in turn lost someone I cared about. Now we live on opposite ends of this desolate battlefield and there is no common ground to be found. Once you've been knocked down how long will it be before you can get back to your feet? How much time is enough to mourn a death? How much time do you need to get over a failed relationship? You make me feel like I'm not allowed to take some time for myself. You make me feel like I've been easily replaced by someone else. You make me feel like it's not alright to want an explanation of why. You make me feel guilty because I still cry. I can't explain why the pain is real. I don't have the answers for why the hurt is true. Am I still in love with you? No. Nothing is further from the truth. Do I wish we would have tried harder to make it work? Nope. Do I regret letting you walk away? Not one bit. Our logic conflict and our stories don't fit. Correct me if I'm wrong but at one point in space and time we did think alike and share the same goal. Which is what led me to believe that we could revive some sort of rapport. Now it's just battles all the time. What went so wrong that prevents us from getting along? Why can't we agree that we are better people for separating? Why do the things we do and say reflect the pain? Why won't the wedge in between us just go away? For a while I thought that maybe one day we would find a middle ground but now I know that was just wishful thinking. We are on exchanging planes. It has to be a give and take. Pain is the common denominator. God is the only solution to all of our problems. I have to pray and ask him how to solve them. For now it's best to keep our distance and focus on God's mission. This way it is not my nor your decision. Let's leave things in God's hands and continue maintaining our own positions. Moving forward is what we can agree with. As long as moving forward means there is no looking back, no revisiting the past or trying to revive subjects that are dead. Moving forward looks like being nice and civilized. Thinking about the other. Caring for one another. Showing gratitude and respect. It's been a long road and it's still a long path ahead. Pace yourself and prepare yourself with God's steadfast word for what comes next. Arm yourself with his protective love and faith. The future is coming upon us like a tidal wave.