Dear Babe,

Hey Babe. 

I hope and pray this letter finds you safe. I've waited so long to write to you now that I have so many things to say. I could most definitely write for days but I won't make this one too long, just wanted to say hey. So how is it going on your end? Are things still the same? The other day I was rolling around and our song came on so I turned the volume all the way up and was jammin out to our Love. I can't wait to give you a big ol hug. I can awready imagine you in the driver seat of our brand new ride. Taking road trips to the ends of time. Soon enough the sun will be shining on your handsome face and you'll use my beautiful soft face as your only shade while we kiss gently underneath the over sized blue Texas sky. Can you see now how you've got my head stuck up in the clouds? I can't seem to find my way back down so I guess we can just stay here in the clouds forever enjoying this cloudy weather, together. I miss hearing the sound of your voice. I miss you so damn much I don't even have a choice. I know this won't last forever so as long as time is still ticking we'll stick it out together. I'm yours, you can claim me as your own. I've been wondering if I'd ever find anyone strong enough to weather my powerful Love and I thank the good Lord above that he brought me to you. I have so much work to do and the time is dwindling down by the steady heartbeat. As long as our hearts beat the time will keep on ticking and soon enough we'll be face to face speaking, looking into the others' eyes pausing time. You have my heart with you and I'm nothing without your love. The passion in your determination towards tomorrow is stronger than the passion I feel from your love. You make the impossible seem doable and you leave me feeling stronger than the day before. I don't understand how any of this is even possible but when I hear from you I remember the Love we share is true. It's the only thing I can believe in anymore, your love gives me purpose in this World, your faith in me keeps me strong, your yearning for me keeps me warm, your photos reassure me that you're there and your letters are a constant reminder for me that soon you'll be here. I have no more worries about anything with you by my side and our future always on my mind. I'm going to close for now but you should know I'm there with you no matter how hard the day hits or how cold the night gets. You got my heart to keep you alive, it's beating away the time. Hold on to it tight and in the meantime I'll hold yours with all my mite. I love you Baby. Until the day you become mine. 

Always and forever, 

Yours

What does the future hold?

I'm sorry I was so mad before, I'm not anymore. I'm sorry if I said so many hurtful things at one point but it's because I was hurt. I can't take back the things I've done and I won't take back the things I've said but I can accept that they were wrong and try to right my ways. I'll never be a perfect person but I can always ask God to help get back on track should I lose my way. I just want all of you to know that I realize I've made mistakes. How ever many mistakes I've made whether countless or just a few, the lessons were meant for me to learn, whether I have or not does not depend on any of you. I blame all of the pain in my life solely on myself except for losing Pops, now that one sits on it's own shelf. But everything else I know for a fact I did to myself. Trusting liars and gambling my heart on cheaters. Playing with busters and scrubs and never having a rhyme for my reasons. Never seeing the worth in myself and not listening to my feelings. I see now after all the years of pain and tears how a man should treat his lady. A relationship between two people has to be something sacred. Just like the tiny ring you put on the others' finger; a constant circle. Never to be breached by anyone or anything. I never found that in any one. I thought I was in love. Maybe even a few times but none of those fools ever loved me back, at least not hard enough. I'll always fight for the one I love but I guess none of them felt the same. It's ok. I found someone willing to change the last name, willing to carry my suitcase, willing to play the role and comfort my soul everyday. The way he says my name just makes my whole world quake and to think that when the time comes I won't have to feel alone in his embrace. Patience has not always been my strong suit but I'm willing to lace up my combat boots. I'll go to war for you. I'm a soldier. A child of God. Where he shines the light my feet will run. Sun rise after sunset he gives us everything we have. I won't do anything now that will set me back. I have a clear plan and will follow that. I will not be deterred from what I'm trying to do. Nothing will stop me from accomplishing my goals. Nothing will keep me from continuing to better my soul. Nothing can stop me from following my dreams. Nothing will distract me from God's divine design for my life. No one will keep me from what is mine. I never knew what a huge lie I was living in until one day I took a step back and repented my sins. I corrected most of them but some things you just can't change and sometimes you just have to know when to walk away. So walk away is just what I did and now my life is making sense again. I am grateful for where I've been and everything I've learned but I'm anxious for what the future holds and I'm still waiting my turn. Sooner than later that time is going to knock on my front door and I will finally get the forever I deserve and have always longed for. I now have all of the love and support I could ever need though not everyone thinks very highly of me. I wish there were a way I could change all of your hearts but I know things I've said and done will never leave your minds. I know I hurt you all at one time. I apologize. I pray for your forgiveness and as God as my witness pray you accept mine. I know now that things between us will never be the same and I am ashamed that the blame is mine. What I'm to do now is forget you somehow and let our relationship dwell in the memories. I promise to cherish the times we had, giggle when I recall the times we laughed, hope you get everything you wish to have and pray for your happiness and overall success. What will become of us now remains to be seen. When you get older you learn you have to just wait and see. 

God is Light

A new post with a host of all new issues. No more crying, needing tissues. God said it was ok to follow his son into the light. I'm giving up this life, giving up my fight. I will no longer live for the World. I will no longer take my own word. Instead I will follow on this path that was laid before my feet before I could ever speak, ever walk, ever see. I will move my feet in the footsteps of the Lord. I will do my service and spread his word. I was placed on Earth to turn non-believers into disciples. Join me now or fall behind but I will not stop on this journey of mine. Not now, not ever for forever.

8.30.2013

I can't pull together a single thought lately. You're running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Don't fall off and just become some dumb bum with no one to love. He put all his eggs in one basket and let her guard it with her heart. She did a great job but when she looked in the basket she realized the eggs were plastic. He had another basket with his real eggs on the other side of the hen house. He was busy playing house with plastic eggs and left his other chicks for dead. He got his little chicken neck chopped off. Now he's been chopped and screwed and chunked and stewed. He's done son. In the pig trough and turned into slop. Enough of no love. Lying is the matter. 90% of your personality magically appears out of thin air. You hold yourself so highly that you're running out of air. You fill your lungs with despair day and night. Out of mind is out of sight. You don't think about the way she lives her life. She don't bathe inside your light no more. She found her another place to call home. You live inside of a well, you'll never be able to climb out of your hole. You'll never break even. We'll never be even. Your thiefen cost us both but your lying cost you more than I think you know.Where memories are my friend they seem to be your foe. Where happiness is my focus you let sadness take control. Where I always take care of my responsibilities you cease to exist. Where my legacy will live on through my kids yours won't be re-lived. I'm not sorry things ended this way. It's only a matter of time before you realize you might be.

Love in hope and memories

I don't believe in love at first sight but all I can think about is when your eyes met mine for the first time. That is the picture I chose for my memory of you. When I think about you I get a flashback to then and recollect our smiles all over again. You were so debonair and unlike anyone I'd ever seen around before. I'll never forget that day we met it's my most precious memory yet and the day you stole my attention away. The next thing that comes to mind is when I think about your face that day we walked through the fish tanks. The memories I have of that day are as vibrant as the little fish that swam between our gazes. It amazes me we felt the same way and chose to never say a thing. You saw me through the toughest time. You consoled my broken heart and listened through sleepless nights. You took my sadness away and I thank you for that everyday. In the end it hurt worse not seeing you when I finally looked back. With time and space and all of the odds against us we somehow overcame the distance and now we find ourselves on a 23 month mission. A time and a place that separates us from one another though being by the others' side is what we both wish to discover. When two people are uplifting each other they shouldn't throw their love in the shadows. Thank you for never denying your feelings. Thank you for never questioning mine in return. Thank you for caring to ask about my mom and children. Thank you for always showing genuine concern. Thank you for being the one who is there even when you aren't able to be here. Thank you for wanting to be the one who is here so I don't have to be alone anymore. I won't ever deny my feelings for you. I'll never question yours in return. I'll always care about you and your family with my most genuine concern. I'll be the only one who is here for you even when I can't physically be there. I want you to be the one who is here with me so I can stop doing things by myself. I have no idea why this is happening to us but I think it has everything to do with patience and trust. You're pushing me to limits I've never breached. You allow me to take myself to new heights with new peaks. With you shining your light on me I am brighter than I ever allowed myself to be. I have power from this generator you've become for me. I keep going because you keep pulling me, encouraging me, giving me the motivation I need. I am beginning to feel like you understand how I think. Your words send me to the brink, I break so I speak. I have so many things to tell you. What have we gotten ourselves into? Patience and trust I have the most trouble with and here I am facing them both with you. Tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Tell me we aren't waiting in vain. Tell me that some day soon we'll be speaking face to face. Tell me I'm not going insane. Tell me you feel the same. Are we the same? Do we hope and pray for the same things? I'll find out one day. For now I think of that day you looked up at me and gave me a wink. I think of the fish tanks and Spiderman, Keyshia Cole and angel wings and talking under trees, early mornings and sweet nothings. Cell rings and ink stains, your steady hands and all of the memories of back then. You've left your mark on me. There is no turning back. I'll stand here for as long as it takes until we're standing side by side. Until the day we can put our story into motion again and put our love back on the tracks.