No more fight in me

There is no more fight in me. 
I will not comment on things I can not see.
I don't see the point in finger pointing. 
Placing blame is pointless to me.
Anger is a senseless waste of time. 
Wrap my mind around the things I can't control? 
I don't think so.  
There is no more fight in me. 
I have been through too many things to know I can't change a thing. 
Yelling and screaming and arguing won't solve anything. 
Resolutions are never found just laying on the ground. 
You can't concoct a compromise by yourself. 
Two people can make more of a mess than a house full of kids. 
I'd rather laugh out loud than be angrily mumbling to myself.
There is no more fight in me. 
I can't control things that bother me but I can control how I allow them to affect me.
I have to just let go of the things that irk my sanity. 
Keep to myself and stay busy. 
Some things are better left unsaid but you also can't let people take you for granted.
There is a fine line between fighting and sticking up for yourself. 
You have to be the one to decide for yourself. 
There is no more fight in me. 
Not now, not later. Not today, not ever. 
I will still cry and get mad. 
There will always be things that get me upset and make me sad.
Things will still occur which cause me to suffer.
Losing your temper is part of life.
I am human with a human life. 
There is no more fight in me. 
I don't control anything. 
I am but a spec in the World.
I don't want to live my life in a constant fight.
I don't want to argue for the rest of my life.
Being accountable for my own actions and reactions is all I can do.
For now, I am at peace, I don't care to fight anymore with any of you. 

Love is all you need

What is it about devastation that draws people in? People will stop what they're doing, slow down to turn their heads to see carnage in the roadway or stop and pull out their camera phone to record a dispute or fist fight. Would those same people stop, pull off onto the side of the road, get out of their vehicle to go check and see if anyone is injured or needs assistance at that same car accident? Would those same people recording the fight put their cameras down to break it up? What is it in the World today that creates an atmosphere where it is sociably acceptable to just not care about anyone or anything anymore? Satan maybe? Is Satan more dominant not only in the United States alone but in the entire World? What do you believe? Do you believe in anything? Do you have faith in anything? Do you pray? Do you believe in a higher power that is almighty and has total control over the World? Your soul? Do you believe that there is one God? Do you believe the World will end and that that time is quickly approaching? Do you believe that there is a God who made an ultimate sacrifice to save your soul? Yours? Out of 7 billion people, One God did one thing to save your soul. Do you believe that? It's not important what I believe. It makes no difference to me what you believe. My goal in life is to live right. Love others. Love God. What does that look like? Does it make me a better person to read my bible everyday? Does praying ensure my spot in heaven? Does spreading the word about Jesus Christ save my soul? The answers to all of these questions mean nothing. It makes not one ounce of difference. What I know for sure is Love. I know what love can do and I know what the purpose of love is and I know the way love makes me feel. Love is certain. Love is a necessity. Love is power. Love is belief. Love is to live. What do you do everyday? Do you wake up early in the morning or do you sleep past noon? Do you eat healthy foods, drink plenty of water and exercise your body daily or do you eat whatever whenever and never exercise? Do you spend most of your time alone or do you spend quality time with those you love? Do you love? Do you put yourself first or do you put others first? Do you feel happy and grateful everyday or do you feel lonely and lost? Do things in your life and around you make perfect sense or are you constantly questioning everything? Why am I asking so many questions? What do the answers have to do with anything? Have you thought about it? Have I planted a seed that is now in your head? What will you be thinking about once this blog has been read? I just want to know that what I'm saying/asking has prompted at least one person to evaluate the time we have left. I wake up every morning and thank God for another day but am I grateful that his holy spirit dwells within? I go to work to a job that I really don't enjoy and sit there for 8 hrs wishing for a better opportunity but am I taking steps to change anything? I don't watch what I eat, drink enough water or exercise every day does that make me unhealthy and lazy? I go home in the evenings and see my five adorable kids but do I interact enough with them? When is the last time I taught them something imperative? Every day is a new chance to be/do better than the day before but am I making the most of each new opportunity? Do I live each day like it is my last? Do I do/try my best? Do I put God first? Do I put Love first, ahead of everything else? Do I care for others the way I would want them to care for me? Am I forgiving? Am I caring? Am I a loving person? The word priority has been coming up a lot for me lately. The definition of priority is this: a thing that is regarded as more important than another; the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important; the right to take precedence or to proceed before others. The right to proceed before others. Am I prioritizing my life in order to live right? What do your priorities look like day in and day out? What takes precedence? What comes first? Will any of this change who you will be tomorrow? Will you have a new found will to live your life right? Will you at least ask yourself what that could look like? Are there any changes you are willing to make? Would you ever give in to love and let it take control? Do you have trust? What do we all want? Are all of our needs the same? Does any one person need more than another? I know what I want and I know how to get it. I just hope and pray that I can share it. I know that God is present. I know he is with me because every day I wake up I no longer feel empty. I don't hunger anymore. I am never thirsty for more. I don't feel like I am going without or being deprived. I don't feel like I am losing out. I don't feel like I am living without. I feel happiness and know I have everything to live for. I know because love lives here. God has taught me that no matter how bad I think things are, love is never very far. It can be a hug from my child, a kiss from my mother, a phone call from my man, a nudge from a friend or a word from the Bible. No matter what form I know it's God letting me know I'll be ok and he lets me know each and every single day. This is what I believe. This is what keeps me going. God is my love and my peace with every thing. How could I ever want for anything more? What could take precedence over the love of my Lord? What is it in the World today that has made everyone turn from God and walk away? What does Satan have to say? What promise has he made? Please don't let him lead you astray? Be the type of person to take the time to stop and ask if they could use your help. Instead of pulling your phone out next time you see a dispute try to mediate and sacrifice yourself for the well being of someone else. Ask yourself what your needs are every day and maybe you will realize that you don't really need anything. Life is a gift. God is the right way to live. Nothing else in this World really exists. Once you realize how important Love is your life will change for the best. Love yourself, love everyone else and love God above all else. As long as you can do this and believe you will be safe. Just have faith. 

Work Cited: 

https://www.google.com/search?q=priority+definition&oq=pr&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i57j69i60l2j0l2.1324j0j7&sourceid=chrome&es_sm=122&ie=UTF-8 

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding

For my Loony Toon, this song will forever remind me of you: 

You're the light, you're the night
You're the color of my blood
You're the cure, you're the pain
You're the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

You're the fear, I don't care
'Cause I've never been so high
Follow me to the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life

So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

Fading in, fading out
On the edge of paradise
Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find
Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire
Yeah, I'll let you set the pace
'Cause I'm not thinking straight
My head spinning around I can't see clear no more
What are you waiting for?

Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (yeah)
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

I'll let you set the pace
'Cause I'm not thinking straight
My head spinning around I can't see clear no more
What are you waiting for?

Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (yeah)
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (like you do)
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do (yeah)
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?

I'm moving to Wisconsin - UPDATE!! 2015

Boy oh boy! Where to begin? Well I guess we can start with the obvious. Wisconsin? What the butternut squash is in Wisconsin?? Hmm, let's see, apparently there are people there with heads made of cheese. There is a lot of cheese! There is beer! There are Packers and Badgers! There are Sasquatch! There are blizzards and months of below freezing temperatures. There is lots to do and a lot of good places to eat. I feel like I'm forgetting something major.. oh yes, of course! My honey. The love of my life lives there! :j So we're moving to Madison in exactly 15 days!!! I just got back from Houston. I went to get some repairs done on the van so that it is in tip top condition and ready for the 1200 mile trek. I also went to visit a few people who are near and dear to my heart because we won't be back to Texas for some time. I was able to see both of my grandmas, my two favorite uncles, my step mom and my favorite little cuz. The only people I care about were the same ones I was able to see and hug and kiss good-bye. What are the odds? Anyway, now that the van is running smoothly and I took care of the repairs I'm ready to get the heck outta Dodge! The children are all out of school for the summer. School starts September 1st in Wisconsin so that gives my at least two months to get things in order up there. I'm still working for now but I already put in my resignation two weeks ago so I'm counting the days til I get to walk out of here and never look back. Luckily my lease was ending July 31st so I was able to cut it off just in time. The only thing I'm really going to miss about living here in Round Rock is our church. The Fellowship has been such a guiding light for me and my family these last two years and I've learned a lot about God, Jesus Christ and my self. I'm happy to be beginning a new chapter in my life but I'm also happy that God is alive in me and I was able to gather some knowledge and understanding of my faith so that I may go in to this journey prepared for whatever might come along. I'm ecstatic that I will once again be in the arms of my love within 16 days. I can't wait to be together in the same State, the same city. Once again under the same sky. I miss him more than I thought I would and even though the last five weeks have been hell and probably so will the next two I know that there are nothing but good things to come. God is with me now and always. I have no fear, no reservations. I am even excited to drive a 20 foot truck across the country. This is an adventure of a lifetime and I am embracing it with the openest of arms. I don't care if "openest" is not a word. Auto correct didn't catch it! hehe. Well, that's all I have for now. The next time you hear from me I will officially be among the cheese heads! I will never be a cheese head because I will never remove my stubborn TEXAN PRIDE but I know it's going to be cold and it's going to be new but best of all it's going to be fun. God lives where ever I go because he's inside of me. My heart is pure and full of love. Wisconsin here I come! I hope you're ready for us! Hell must be freezing over because NEVER did I ever imagine I'd be leaving Texas in the rear view. But here I go again. This time I'll be heading for the mid-west! I'll let you know if we capture a yetti! {: Until next time! I'll be soaking up as much of this hott Texas sun as I can. Pray for me that we make it safely and that I don't get frost bite or hypothermia! XOXOXO's Texas! You'll always be my number 1! 

What are you waiting for? What are you doing?

The only problem with a blank slate is the possibility of messing things up again. I always hear people say, "If I knew then what I know now..." but honestly what difference would it really make. I see mistakes as lessons learned. If you've done something wrong there was a lesson to be discerned. Admittance is the hardest part of being wrong. No body enjoys being in the wrong. No body likes being corrected or reprimanded. No body likes messing things up and starting over from the beginning. I always finish what I've started. Sometimes it might be immediate but other times it can take years. Either way, I always finish what I've started. Even having knowledge doesn't always mean you will apply it. I'm so sick and tired of being tired. I'm so sick of saying the same damn things over and over. No body is even listening. No body really cares if there are points to be made. Everyone is too busy. No one wants to slow down to take their time. What are we rushing for when time is really just a state of mind? You can do the exact same thing whether the moon is up or the sun is shining in your face. None of this stuff even makes any sense. My head is all jumbled up again. Just when I feel like I'm walking a straight line, the road starts to twist and turn, I lose my focus of where I'm at or where I was going. I'm frustrated to all ends with father time. What are you trying to do to me? Make me lose my mind? One minute I'm alright then the next I'm freezing up. One day I wake up clear then go to bed and fall into a horrendous nightmare. I can't find anything. I can't decide whether I'm hesitating or whether I'm really just scared. I feel like I lost my mind. I'm moving but I can't open my eyes. I can't even put my finger on one single point on the map. Where ever I was going now I can't remember how to get back. What is it that I'm really trying to say? What makes today any different from any other day? What do these words say that any other words could say? I can take a train or I can fly. I could ride a bus or I could drive. The destination doesn't change. They all would take me to the same place. The only difference would be the ride, the time, the obstacles I would encounter on the way. I guess what I'm really trying to say is nothing at all. I have no point to follow any of these words. I was really just bored. I guess you've just wasted a few minutes of your life taking time to read my jumble instead maybe you should dispute it with father time but you'll more than likely have to wait in line because apparently he's a very busy guy. 

Escaping Death

It doesn't matter what I've done or where I've been. What matters is I've found a means to an end. I waded through muck and mess until I had not a drop of energy left. I took my last step then couldn't take one more so I gave in to defeat, accepted my fate and began to sink. Just before my eyelids were submerged before I took my last breath here on earth, when I thought all hope was lost a helping hand reached down and pulled me up. My life was drenched in nothingness, my heart was ripe and delicate inside my pruned chest, my purpose was rung out like a sponge and with the weight of the water my world weighed a ton. Whoever it was who pulled me out must have had super human strength and special powers. I was so exhausted and worn out that I couldn't make heads or tails of how I made it out. It took me a while to get my bearings back. I had to start all over from scratch. My prior life was laying at the bottom of the sea along with all the rest of me. There is nothing worse than losing it all, leaving your life behind and being forced to rebuild it all. I finally regained my strength and was able to take a few paces. I hadn't made it very far when along came a speeding car and as I turned to flag it down, it swerved, hit me and flung me to the ground. As I watched the red brake lights fade into the dark I felt the warm blood dripping from my broken parts. I laid there on the cold pavement and again I felt my fate creeping in. I closed my blood soaked eyelids and knew that this had to be the end. Just as I began to take my last breath here on earth the dirt began to tremble around me and I was lifted from the earth. I couldn't see, I was unable to hear, I couldn't understand where I was or how I had gotten there but somehow all at once I was safe, warm and all bandaged up. I had once again survived the worst and I was once again recovering from all the damage and hurt. This time it took me longer to regain my strength before I was able to begin to move again. This time when I was ready to take off I was frightened and afraid and my confidence and stability had waned. This time I decided to drive instead of walk so I packed up all my junk and shoved off. Into oblivion I ventured once more unaware of the dangers that lurked ahead. The sun had begun to set on the life I left behind and I drove for miles and miles that night. I drove until I couldn't drive anymore. As the exhaustion set in I thought it best to stop somewhere and settle in so I found a quiet spot and pulled off. As I slept I had an amazing dream that where I was going I'd be safe and I'd finally be free. I was sound asleep until the smell of smoke woke me suddenly from my peace. My scorched eyelids opened up to a room full of smoke and flames. I felt my skin beginning to singe. The smoke was so thick I had to keep my eyes closed as I began to move around and search frantically for a way out. I knew I had already suffered severe burns because I could feel the pain surge. But still I knew I had to get out so I fell to the floor and began to crawl about. I had already inhaled so much smoke that I was coughing and choking and began screaming for help. I knew I was lost and because I had been here before I just stopped, closed my eyes and began praying to the Lord. Once again my fate was at my feet and with my lungs full of smoke I inhaled deep what I felt would be my last breath here on earth. How many times can one person cheat death? What could save me from this fiery grave? Where now was the helping hand that pulled me out of the muck, where was the mysterious source that lifted me from the dirt? How was I ever going to survive this, being burned alive? As a single tear left my eye I almost felt a sense of relief. I just wanted God to come and take me already. I had given up on any hope that I would ever open my eyes to another ray of light. Then a loud noise interrupted my serenity and all at once I felt many hands among my badly burned body. I couldn't believe what was happening to me, I was being rescued from this fire that I was positive was consuming me in my entirety. How could this possibly be? Who were these angels on either side of me? I must have blacked out because I woke up near a window where I could see a sky full of puffy white clouds. The burns I had suffered were bandaged up now and I realized that I made it out. I took a deep breath in and this time I was confident it wouldn't be my last. I recovered once again and was determined to make it safely to the end. I didn't know exactly where that was or how I could get there now but after escaping death so many times I felt empowered. I was no longer weak, I was no longer afraid. My scars were a reminder of my fate. God was with me through all of my pain, he never left my side for one second. My faith had been renewed. My life was rinsed cleaned, I had been shaken to my core and the fire burned through my body down to my pained soul. There was nothing left but a clean slate. God took me through the worst in order to prepare me for my best. I walked out on my own two feet a brand new me. Even when I was ready to give up, God knew that I would escape death and had not yet taken my last breath here on earth. 

All Glory be to God, all of my days. 
Thank you God for saving me, a sinner, through all of Jesus' pain. 
I have been washed clean, I am saved, I am free. 
I have died to the flesh and have the holy spirit in me. 
God will protect you. God will never leave you. God loves you.