Gallop my Hallup

The beauty in today is that I can say whatever I'd like to say, to mean whatever I want to mean. I can say he loves me and you don't know who he is. I can say it felt so good and you won't know in what way. I can say I'm taking off and you can't know where I'm going or when. I can say I am finally finished and you wouldn't know how it ended or why. I say the things I like to say because it's my truth to know who and what and where and when and how and why. While all you're left with are endless ignored inquiries about the whereabouts of my life. Dead ends to your lies. Failed attempts of decoding our encrypted messages. If you could count all of the moments you spent in a pointless fight, you'd never catch your breath. While I basque in his light you hide in the dark. When we walk in you'll shield your eyes because we're much too bright. The way we smile is our delight. If I could put into these words what he means to me, you wouldn't be able to translate their meaning. I'm sailing off into the sunset with my best friend while you're fighting the current. The secrets we share are heaven sent. God has given us a covert mission. I trust you'd love to know but when we disappear with the moonlight, you'll be searching all of the places you've already looked. Love overcomes the sadness if you let it. Love sews up the rips and tears if you allow it. Love is there to listen if you'll hear it. Love is sweeter than dripping honey if you'll have it. Love is more satisfying than sex, drugs, power, and money. Love loves love. He takes me as I am. I see him for who he truly is. We were destined to be in this moment. He planned it. God took a deep breath in and out came today. What a beautiful blessing it is to know we were created in his image. You're perfect. Perfectly crafted for my love. A blessing from above. Take my hand. Let's run together until our mission is done. I will never let go until God calls us home. 

Embrace the Damage

I've learned to embrace my flaws one by one. Move on. Leave the brokenness in the trash with the ugly parts of the past. I've never been one to hold on to grudges. That's a sure way to suffer whiplash. Keeping tally marks of all the wrongs that have been done to me is a waste of precious energy. Time is of the essence. I've learned to use it to my advantage. People seem to want to forget about judgement. Pray daily. It's the only way to escape the insanity of this life. I've crashed and burned many times. I've suffered from countless scratches and dents. I've had my fair share of wear and tear along the years. My top coat is no longer in mint condition. I've learned to embrace the damage. Shiny things become dull. New things become old. Old friends find new pass times. Then we realize that time spent together was more valuable than we ever thought. I try not to get caught in that reminiscent ambiance too often. Memories always drift in an out like puffy white clouds. So real, you could reach out and touch a few. Our boundless minds have no filter that picks and chooses what moments it wants to go back to. Songs and sayings, colors and tastes, scents and random images can sweep us back in time to any place within our minds at any given time. We don't ever give enough credit to our Father above for the immaculate creatures we are and can become. Take time to Thank him for your story from time to time. You never know when the polish will wear off, and the clock will stop. When you may forget the names and faces you once knew most or what time spent with them meant. We entered this life alone and so shall we leave it. Take care to appreciate the tiny scratches and dents you've earned over time. Embrace the damage that you've endured. It proves your story true. Should you ever care to share it with me, I will be sure to embrace it too. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and fortunately for us, our creator creates nothing less than perfect. Flaws and all, you are loved.     

The day the ink bled

Since the day the ink bled, life would never be the same.
Unimaginable is the power held in the tip of this pen.
The brain is an encyclopedia of life's many peaks and valleys.
Words flow rapid like rivers in their multitude.
Thoughts flourish like weeds in the countless crevices of the earth's surface.
Hearts cry tears for years expressing their deepest and darkest of fears.
Memories scatter like dust in an unpredictable wind. 
Inspiration runs like warm blood and pumps life through ventricles and veins.
Ink quenches thirst like a rainstorm after a volcanic burst.
While love dances in and makes it all beautiful again. 
Since the day the ink bled from the pen, life made sense.

TRUST. LOVE. ENDURE.

Though I've written many things for many people, no one has ever written me anything as thoughtful and beautiful as this. Thank you My Stephen. I love the way you love me. This will last forever. 

A poem written for me. 
From my Stephen aka Mi Burris

Just the two of us we can make this last forever. 

Withstanding any weather.

Like Starship said, "We can build this dream together."

It only takes a little effort.

I'm willing to try. You can count me all in. 

Here's all my love, my trust, and my word to endure to the end. 

This a'int pretend baby.

This a'int the same Toon you've heard played in your past.

This is a melody sung straight from heaven. 

Take my hand and let's dance.

Who cares what they say?

Let the haters hate.

God said what he put together let no one separate.

Just believe and have faith.

Trust.

You a'int gotta trust in no man rather trust in God's plan.

I mean, isn't he the reason we've fallen so hard?

The instant connection that we had from the start?

The love so strong that flows from our heart.

That's God!

The enemy comes to rob, kill, steal, and destroy.

Can't you see that it's him that's stealing your joy?

Endure.

I know you've been hurt and your heart is in pieces.

Just keep praying for healing and believing in Jesus.

He's near to the brokenhearted. 

He paid the cost on the cross.

So capture your thoughts. 

Don't lose focus. 

Keep your eyes on the prize and don't feed into the lies. 

This is what you prayed for when you said you were "ready to love".

Well, here I am.

I understand it's getting hard.

It's hard for me too. 

But we were built to endure so let's just keep pushing through.

Trust in God's plan and trust in what he can do.

Love. 

Let it burn like a wildfire. 

Let it lift us and take us higher.

Let it fuel us when we get tired.

Let our story be love inspired. 

Trust. 

Trust in God's plan and his will for our lives.

It takes faith to trust in what you can't see with your eyes. 

Love.

It's a gift from God that he gave us to share. 

If we keep our eyes on Jesus love will always be there.

Endure. 

Nothing good comes easy. 

It always comes with a price. 

No throwing in the towel or tapping, we're going all 12 rounds in this fight. 

And we're not battling each other.

United we're facing all opposition. 

Fighting the good fight.

To trust, love, and endure is our mission. 

"Nothin' is gonna stop us now" - Starship

Rights and Responsibilities

I encouraged myself not to go there but here I go. You've never been anything but a disappointment to me and our children. I'm sorry that we disagree but I have my truth and you have yours. I can't explain the swelling sadness I feel for us all. The damage we both caused because we were young, lustful teenagers is immeasurable. We never made any valid attempts to let God into our relationship which in hind sight would be our demise. I have apologized to him for that and I encourage you to do the same. He will forgive us and I have forgiven you for EVERYTHING but I can only speak for myself. Forgiveness is a gift and will provide you peace. I called you today but you are a childish coward so you didn't pick up. Instead, you sent me a nasty text about how I've poisoned our children. I wanted to extend an apology to you on behalf of our now teenage daughters for the words they had for you with regards to your new baby girl. I was not aware that either one of them had such strong feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and neglect. They sent those texts on their own accord. I wasn't made aware until after the fact which is why I chose to reach out to you. I don't agree with what was sent to you and I wanted to apologize for that. It was inappropriate and I had words with them both. What is warranted and what I will not apologize for however, is how they feel. You really are clueless as to what you have done to our kids and frankly, it's blatantly obvious that you don't care. I knew you would put the blame on me just like you've always done with every other tough situation we've ever gone through. I called to tell you that I have not pushed our children away from you whatsoever, you made that easy enough for them on your own through your own actions towards them. I wanted to also say that despite what you think or how you feel about our "friendship" or why it ended so abruptly. You have it ALL wrong. It was not me that pushed our kids away from you, it was our kids that pushed me away from you. Listening to some of the things they went through, IN THEIR OWN WORDS, for the year you had them was sickening. I will always have our kids' best interests in the front of my priorities. It may not have always been that way but it is now. What you fail to realize or accept is that they feel abandoned and replaced. Maybe you should think about their feelings instead of just reacting to your own feelings for once in your life. I could care less about our relationship but it's tragic that YOU have neglected the relationship you have with the kids. So, please spare me your outrageous accusations in saying that I am the one who has poisoned our children and pushed them away from you. They have their own minds, their own hearts, and their own feelings. Nothing I have done or said has swayed their decisions to cut you out of their lives. They've done that on their own. It makes me so sad inside that you have surrendered to their pain. A Godly man and father, no matter how great the challenge, would NEVER give in to discouragement and just throw up his hands in defeat and give up on his OWN children in the ways that you continually have done. NEVER. God does not give up on us so what makes you believe that it is right or ok to give up on your kids is beyond my comprehension. I pray for you and your family because I can only imagine the pain that you live with every single day because I know that you know in your own mind, heart, and feelings that YOU ARE WRONG! You have been forgiven but your actions will never be forgotten. The feelings that you harbor will only make you sick and will hold you back from ever mending any type of relationship with our children. I strongly encourage you to reevaluate your God given rights to pursue a relationship with your blood and the responsibility bestowed upon you by God himself to love them unconditionally. No one is standing in the way of you and your children except for you and Satan. Just like them, you have a choice. Stop blaming me and even them for the way things have transpired. God bless you and your family.