Maps Inside my Mind

This distance got me wishing things could have been different. I wish time travel existed so I could go back in time to right a few wrongs of mine. I haven't been feeling like myself lately, so who does that make me? If finding yourself is life's quest I'll be searching for the rest of mine. If finding love is life's big test then I suppose studying is what I should do next. If finding happiness is life's biggest gift I guess I'll spend the rest of forever waiting for it. I gave away many pieces of me along this road I've been traveling on. Now they are just old land marks of where I've been. Sometimes I wonder if any of them ever miss me. I hope they know I miss them, the way we used to be. Now I'm on this road alone and have come to far to back track.The maps inside my mind only lead me forward and don't allow me to look back. I'm steady trekking down this path remembering to look both ways before I cross the tracks. As I grasp my back pack straps, shrug and tug because they sit heavy on my shoulders. I look past the sunset and wipe away the sweat from my brow, looking down towards the ground and I wonder how much longer I have to go? How will I know when I reach my destination? I lost the maps I once held as inspiration inside my hands and gave my only compass to a less fortunate man. So now as I continue this journey alone I am relying on the maps inside my mind to guide me safely home.

When I'm finally gone

Making history will be a myth for me because once all is said and done I will be long gone. Someday someone will take my words and turn them into songs. Then the whole world will sing along to the same tune. It's ok to not like the things I say because my words will forever be written on this page. I am ok with expressing my emotions and releasing them through my words into this world. I'm not looking for fame and Ive already been blessed with great fortune but knowing the world will see this someday makes me feel famous. I am not special and my words are not sacred but I write it all down in hopes that one day I'll make it. Maybe I'll be on the front page of the news, become an internet sensation or be asked to do T.V. interviews. Either way these words are my own and when I'm dead and gone they'll all belong to the world.

Change Your Mind

It's nerve wrecking when even the silence is distracting. Those I choose to ignore are now a bore and the things I thought I liked are now the things that I abhor. I don't want to drink or smoke no more and even the music I like is sounding dull. I've tried on angry before but it's time for a new scenery. I'm sick and tired of being alone but it's me who is keeping everyone away from me. I really am tired of being angry and always complaining, never entertaining the thought of true happiness found. I want to smile now and be happy for real. I want my kids to trust and love me and want to be around me all the time. I want them to grow up surrounded with positivity and bright hopes for their futures. I hope they look back and thank me someday for being a wonderful teacher. So I'm putting down these vices and picking up this pen. Next time you see me, I'll be an author again. The end. :)

There are Plenty-O-Fish in the sea

It's 5:30 in the morning and I'm yawning. I'm sleepy but I can't sleep. I hate the feeling of defeat. He don't love me and he never will. None of them ever did and they don't still. I'm ok with that now but it still hurts somehow. I'm alone right now but I won't be forever. Unless that's God's will then I'll be ok with it still. The loneliness is only temporary. That's what they keep telling me. Life alone just seems so scary. I see the tragic triumph in her eyes as if she won some magic prize but boredom lies beside her you can see it in his eyes. He misses my thighs, my lips, my touch, my soft skin. I don't miss him much except for when I hear a song or want a hug. I met this guy that was nice at first but then he turned into a grouch. I told him if I wanted to be treated that way I would have tried to stick it out. I told him the same thing I'll tell any guy who wants to be an asshole, I won't allow for some dickhead to treat or speak to me just any old way. I've had enough of being treated that way. I am allowed to be, act, look, feel or say any damn thing any damn way. I'm going to say something if I have something to say. I'm going to look at you if I think you have a nice face. Excuse me for being so fucking sweet all the time. I'm not one to just sit back and hide. I like to express what's on my mind. A trait of mine that obviously intimidates their kind. I've tried being mean and nasty and rude, it just doesn't look good on me and instead I end up looking like a fool. I'm a lover and a giver. I nurture for a living. All I ever wanted was to take care of somebody who would let me and love me for it but got ditched so he could run off and get hitched to a young, ugly, silly simple Bitch. I guess I'll just have to wait to see who will come along and scratch my itch. Who will have room for me in their niche? Will I ever find my match? Is my fish still swimming alone out there in forever or has my fish already become somebody else's catch?

When Sparks Fly

Colorful climaxes call the shots when relentless rainbows fill the spots in your eyes like blinding rays of sunlight beaming from inside you. Looking directly into the sun will surely be blinding so I'll politely close my eyes too. Pure passions then burn through the day light until the sky's moon takes reign over the night. What have we done with our time? I am but a tiny delectable morsel on your smorgasbord of choices but yet you stay as to say I am delicious enough. Your infallible incisors clamp down tighter with every manic motion I make as my attempts to escape seem staged. I am the prey trapped in your instinctual cage and I know you will devour me whole if I do not escape. Your idle hands have traversed the mountains of my anatomy while my moans and screams were the only things to escape from me. You've turned me into the biggest deceiver as I've said it so many times before that I would leave here and never return to endure your seductive scorn furthermore. I have defiantly disobeyed a direct order to about face and return to the former. I am not leaving you in this place when you are colder and I am warmer. Come with me now and together we can become stronger for ourselves and for one another. If you should walk away now you will have decided our fate. I am not to be bothered with your chemical satisfaction when my consequences will have their own actions. Selfishness seeps in and the sin begins again. Your strengths are pulling me into the tide beneath the waves rolling me asunder, my heart roaring at me like thunder informing me of my unfortunate blunder once again. I can't leave you here but I can't take you with. Our magnetism is simply remarkable in that it is nearly impossible to try and keep my distance from you. Your light shines so brightly I can see it illuminating the sky from any point in the World and it yells for me to soak it in even when I try to shade my eyes it somehow inches in. I thought I'd be safe in my underground cavern but you dove so deep that hide and seek has become our pattern. You seek while I hide. I run while you fly. You survive while I die. I say I'm not yours but you're saying you're mine. I want this to work but I'm admitting I don't know how. This is all too Crazy for you and I. I joyfully jump off cliffs as a hobby of mine but I will not allow you to stand next to me in my defeat so please just leave. It's safer for you and me if we retreat. You have to get out of my life, retract those statements from my head, take back those images imprinted in my brain, stop shining that bright ass Light Beam in my face, tell me how not to think of your face. Stop my pain permanently. Stop kissing me there, you've made your motives clear. Unless you come with me now and declare you're mine, my heart will remain in pieces. I've been down this road before and won't get pushed around any more and I think I've waited long enough to get my happy everlasting love. You say someday but I'm saying now or never. Nevers never last for forever. I am alive, I can breathe so let me make these decisions for me. All you have to do is say the word and there will be no more back and forth. Please don't ask me to open any more doors. I don't need one more disappointment to realize you're the one I want. I'm really into your voluptuous lips and this but I can't jump off this cliff with you just yet. I'm still holding on to an anchor that has not dropped yet and my head has been over run with Ghost Ships. Maybe we can jump someday together but for now you have to be the ground because I am light as a feather. I am too wobbly to carry on alone. I like having you here reminding me that anything can be done. Any trial can be overcome. Any race can be won. Seeing your smile provides me with automatic support and purpose. You don't have to come striding in on any White horses. I don't need somebody to rescue me, I was left for dead and had no choice but to rescue me so I did it for myself. All I need now is for you to come around and see that I'm here for you now. I cut the dead weight that was dragging me down. I let the last ship sink so now I know what to do to make it to solid ground. You can offer your help but I probably won't take it. I'll take what you probably didn't even know was up for the taking and you won't even know it until it's too late. You nor I can decide our fate we have to decide it together. Until then I'll keep wondering about your laws and theories and how it might taste to have a real kiss. I'll always be with you tomorrow. I just can't promise today. So kiss my lips softly one last time before we part ways as I close my eyes as to not be blinded by your rays. I can only hope and pray this will come true someday. I'll miss you every moment til that day. When sparks fly.