God's Gold

You never cease to amaze me. Just when I think it can't get any better, you knock my socks off. You make me feel like I'm flying. You give me wings. You have single-handedly mended all of the broken parts of me. I wake up asking God daily what I did to deserve you? I have never known a love so pure. So true. So meaningful. So full. I have never been loved so good. You touch me so gently with your words. Your spirit floods my senses like a storm. You have uncovered my hidden truths. You accept that I am bruised. You kiss my wounds. You make me feel brand new. You are powerful. You are strong. You are everything I need and want. You are light. You are love. You are more than these words can describe. No one has ever prayed for my soul like you. No one has ever made me feel as special as you do. You leave a permanent smile on my heart and my face. You have given me something awesome to anticipate. You have made everyday feel like a gift. Waiting with you does not make me impatient. You comfort me. You console me. You love me wholly. With the same goal in mind, you and I will no doubt cross the finish line. Hand in hand I pray to be with you for all eternity. You've lit a match and torched my past. I see my woes float away like ash. God provided me my match in you. This I know is true. I have no doubts. I have nothing to hide. You bring out my best side. You have shined me up like sparkling crystal. You love my flaws and take me with them. My love, my heart, and my life have made a complete 360. I could never leave your side, that'd just be silly. I look forward to watching you from beneath my veil waiting for you to kiss me. I am yours forevermore. I long for your warm embrace. I can't thank God enough for this time and place. I love you from here to outer space. I am so grateful for this feeling. God, I don't know what I've to done to deserve this happy ending but I've trusted you from the beginning. Thank you for loving us both so unconditionally that you've led us each to our victories. 

I love you so much BAE-Burris! You've been my Gold medal all along. XOXOXO

Bye Bye FlutterFly

How does it feel to know you're no longer my muse?
That someone better has come along to fill your shoes?
Sorry, but you're going to have to go on bare foot. 
It is no longer you who fuels the fire inside of me.
My words pour out in a new direction; away from you.
It feels so good to be over you.
I never imagined my head would be cleared from thoughts of you. 
That my heart could be rid of feelings for you. 
I've been renewed. Refreshed.  
My heart is beating again and you had no part in resuscitating it.
I feel whole for once and no thanks to you.
I'm finally ready to move forward. Start new. 
No more going back n forth. I survived. 
For the first time in so long my head and my heart coincide.
I have control over my feelings, my heart, my life.
Let your wings free. I have.
Fly away with the wind little flutterfly.   

Come at me Bro!

Seems like as soon as you get your ducks in a row, someone comes along with a shot gun ready to take aim and shoot them down. People just love to stir the pot. Lately I've been walking around with a smile on my face. They see me and they wonder where that sad girl went? They wanna know what changed. They wanna know why. Who is the culprit behind her smile? They bust out their cro-bars, ready to pry into my life, ready to pick the locks of my treasure chest. I'm here to tell you that's unnecessary folks. If you want to know what I did or how I'll tell you here and now. It's not a secret. In fact, it's my God given purpose in life to tell you what I know. I'm happy to share with you the secret to everlasting life. His name is Jesus Christ. I didn't do anything special or out of the ordinary. I didn't join the illuminati or sell my soul to the dark angel. I didn't drink any magic potion or stumble upon the fountain of youth. I'm under no spell and I didn't do any special magic tricks. I relented. I repented. I surrendered. I gave up control. I said yes to Jesus. I maintained a position of patience. I listened. God blessed me in my obedience. That's it. It was really that simple. Now I have a million and one reasons to steer clear of sin. Again, I've said it a billion times and for you I'll say it again, I'm not perfect. I will sin again. I will fall short but this doesn't deter me or put me off of my mission. I'm in pursuit of a meaningful relationship with my God. He chose to bless me with the most amazing man I could ever come into contact with. I refuse to let any of you or your negativity creep in and interrupt our progress. He's perfect in God's eyes and that's good enough for me. I've had so many people come out of the woodwork lately it's not even funny. People, mostly men, I haven't heard from in months texting my phone for fun. As if a memo went out to all the guys I used to know that now is the time to shoot their shots. I feel like there is a reward out there for who ever can ruin my opportunity to be truly happy. Sheesh! You know what I say to that?? Come at me Bro! I mean, I've even had one show up at my door after being ignored. Like C'mon! What in the World is going on lately!? Never have I ever had that happen before, and all of them are coming at me out of nowhere. It's hilarious! I see what you're trying to do Satan and it's not working. You can keep trying to tempt me. Keep making your feeble attempts to stick a thorn in my side. Throw your sticks at my spokes, I'll just keep pushing my peddles forward. God is so much more powerful than you and you know it's true. My heart is guarded and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. My soul belongs to God and you'll never get to claim it as your own. I know you're not going to stop. I remember that night you came for me, you will never give up. And that's fine. Come at me Bro! I can feel you are saving your best weapon for last. My kryptonite in the form of a tall, handsome man tapping on my window one random morning at 4:30 am. Well, that'd be amazing and all, and it'd definitely be hard to fight but even that won't distract me from my focus. I'm not giving in to temptation that easily this time. God's plan for me is divine. I want to be around for the end of the movie this time. I am prepared for my happy ending. Keep throwing your best shots and I'll block everything you've got until you're completely worn out and stop! Just give up. You look like a silly clown. You've defeated me time and time before but this time I'm ready for what you have in store. I know you're coming for more. My soul is a hot commodity. The World is at war. I'm a mere mortal on this Earth but what God offers is worth more than anything of this world. I'm ready to face anything you can muster up. God has got me laced up. I'm stronger now than ever before. Good always prevails over evil. I thought you heard. You may have your followers but Jesus has his believers.   

Wildfire

Is pain really the worst thing when healing is what comes next? It's always a season for healing no matter the weather. We go through things to grow and get better. We live to learn. Why not let love take control? Training wheels weren't made to be permanent. We all learn to ride without them after lots of practice. Take the floaties off and dive in head first. Fear holds you back from the most beautiful experiences. Break through the boundaries of the scars that pain has left behind. Scars are a beautiful reminder of the healing you've overcome throughout your life. There is not a better way to recognize your strength. Why not take full advantage of another sun rising on the horizon? Use the hours to create laughter and forget about the tear drops that fell from your cheeks and rolled away with the passing moments. Accepting flaws is pride in it's finest form. I promise the World is not as concerned with your heart as you are. Why not allow yourself to feel for a change? Don't be afraid of what you might see or who you may meet. Life is full of opportunities but you will never experience a thing by holding back your true feelings. Are you a thief? Then why rob yourself of the joy you deserve? Move forward, let go of what you're holding onto. Release the rails and feel the wind in your hair. You'll thank yourself later. Don't be a player unless you play to win. Don't let yourself fall unless you've taught yourself how to bounce back. Don't gamble unless you bet all in. Don't make a mess you aren't willing to clean! You will fall if you attempt to fly. You will fail if you attempt to try. Falling and failing are beautiful parts of life that remind you that you gave it your best shot. Go fast! Love hard. Dance wildly. Sing loudly. Have fun. Aim high. Try. No one will afford you a second chance if you never take the first. Love is a wild trip but you have to open your eyes and look up or else you'll miss the signs. Cash out your chips, leave some of your luck in your reserves. Eat steak and shrimp. When the water is just right, take a dip. Hold on tight until it's time to let go. Where will you go next? Comfort is nice but confidence is best. Put your faith to the test. Destiny is the road map of your life. Take the lead next time and you'll be surprised how many will follow. When you run into a soul that feels hollow, fill it up. There is power inside each of us but how would you ever know unless someone needed to be charged up. Plug into them. We are all a source of light. Spread the word, it wasn't meant to be kept unheard.

He does Magic

For Stephen:

He. Him. His. Us. Mister What If is a Magician. He does this thing to his voice that transforms my heart from a billion pieces back into a whole. He's truly amazing at his craft. He weaves love into each one of his words like a magic wand pulls a bunny out of a hat. Of him I have grown immensely fond and in no time at all we have created an indestructible bond. I never imagined I'd be so blessed to cross paths with someone whose intensity for life matched mine. We are word for word, breath for breath, so divinely in sync. We met in the middle. We are on the same level. We take turns reading from the same page to one another. He fills my cup and I drink him up. I serve his plate and he eats me up. He is of a different sort. He is in a league all his own.  Not at all like any of the rest. A love like this will surpass any test. He checks my boxes from top to bottom, as I check his. He is of the highest caliber. He dissipates my worries with laughter. He makes the world disappear and makes me feel like the only woman in the entire atmosphere. He has the key to all of the locks 'round my heart. He unties all the knots and breaks all the chains like Houdini, he allows me to escape. He has rescued me from certain doom. He plucked me like a weed from my despair and gloom. We've planted precious seeds and are watching them bloom. He said, "I love you" and I said it too. We are both wondering if it's too soon. We are aware that love can be like a magic trick. It consumes all of your focus. Just when you've been convinced you've seen how it all unfolds before, love appears out of thin air and leaves you in awe. Love can come in an instant and disappear just the same. We have both been tricked this way before, left wanting more. Sometimes love is ashamed and hides behind smoke and mirrors. Sometimes the curtain closes before the answers are revealed. Some magicians do magic for all of the wrong reasons. Mister What If doesn't need tricks to show me how in love with me he is. What makes him different from all of the rest? My magician is putting love to the test. He has no fancy hat or magic wand. He doesn't use any magic words or spells. He needs no smoke or mirrors. He doesn't use any special gadgets or hidden strings. He is true to his name. He has respect for me. He is confident. He has hope. He is driven by his faith. He sees something in me that no one else did. He is patient. He is kind. He is gentle. He longs to be mine. He is strong. He is modest. He is not boastful. He appreciates our time. He is brave. He is honest. He is everything I've ever wanted. He sees our future the way I do. He loves God. He loves life. He is seeking a wife. I love his precious name. I respect him in the highest. I am confident in him. He gave me hope when I tried to deny it. He drove me back to my faith. He shows me my worth. He teaches me patience. He sees my kindness. He loves my gentleness. I long to be his. He knows I am modest. He knows I don't boast. I appreciate the time he invests in us both. I love that he is brave. He trusts that I am honest. I am everything he's ever wanted. He prayed for me. I prayed for him too. I see our future the way he does and will follow suit. I love God. I love what life has to offer us. I am prepared for my journey to the alter. We will forevermore be together when the others falter. When the magic wears off and the curtain drops we will have God's love and blessings to sustain us both. Mister what If is a magician with a different type of trick up his sleeve. He actually believes.  

Take a breath and count to 10

Things are not as bad as they seem.
I know I read too much into things.
I am, after all, a human being.
Sometimes feelings, intuitions and instincts clash.
I apologize if I came off as brash.
I have no way to tell if what I say or how I feel sticks or flies away in the wind.
I have been so badly beaten and burned and disrespected.
I let it happen.
I take responsibility and hold myself accountable for my actions.
I sinned, therefore, was sinned against.
I have not been the best friend I could've been.
And for that I am truly remorseful.
Not that it means much to any of you.
I'm sorry we couldn't see things through.
I'm sorry we ended up on opposing sides.
I'm sorry we've taken separate rides on our separate ways.
We win some and we lose some everyday.
I'm just glad I have this avenue to tell you how I really feel.
Whether you read this or not, it's all real.
I lay my life down here in these words and these truths.
I have been bent and broken in two for some of you.
I want you to know that if you feel it in your heart.
You played your part.
We don't owe each other a thing.
We owe our creator everything.
Every opportunity.
Every experience.
Every laugh and every tear.
I am not afraid anymore.
I want the best for you and your soul.
I want happiness to grow from this.
I want each one of you to feel joy when you reminisce.
Don't feel sad for me.
Don't hold onto any grudges or guilt.
I have let it all go like smoke in the wind.
I encourage you, once and for all, to do the same.

Last Night

Just when I thought I was over you too...
I had THE MOST vivid dream of you last night.
Perhaps the most real to date.
We were at some Black tie event.
You wore a black suit with a deep red shirt and black tie, you looked absolutely divine. No surprise.
Your date, a little Spanish belle, was also dressed to the nines.
I admit I was jealous. I must've been there alone. Not a date in sight. No surprise.
We must have been on a yacht or perhaps a ship because I saw your face pass through a port hole and followed you down a long corridor.
I followed you into a room.
Your date was sleeping peacefully on the red satin bed in her red satin gown, heels still on.
Maybe she was passed out. I don't know. I couldn't tell.
There is always plenty of champagne to go around in elegant dreams.
I don't know in how much detail I should delve. It was so real. I could taste it in my sleep.
Fuck it, no one reads this anyway right...
You took me into your arms and my fingers were immediately curled into your perfect hair.
Your lips devoured mine and we were lost once again.
I said, "I've missed you so much." out of breath. And you returned the sentiment.
Your voice, your jawline, my reflection in your deep brown eyes, your scent invading my senses...
It was so real. I'm getting flashbacks still..
With your date still out like a light we found our way beside her onto the soft, silky sheets.
You turned me around and propped me up on my knees, with one foot on the bed and the other on the ground.
You pulled down my lace panties just to my knees and took me, deep. Hard.
Maybe I should stop right here... But...
What would be the point of that?
You spoke aloud and asked your passed out plus one, "Are you ok?", "Are you still asleep?" all whilst taking me in, again and again in the most glorious filling rhythm.
I could feel you full inside of me. My eyes rolling back with pleasure I haven't felt in the longest time.
..she began to stir.
It startled us back into our black tie attire and upright to our feet.
What the fuck do dreams mean?
If anything at all.
Why after a month of cutting all ties did you decide to accept that invitation now?
Does that mean you're still thinking about it?
Am I on your mind?
Do you miss me? Us?
I've been doing so good and then you come in and fuck up all of my progress.
You're as dangerous as a loaded magnum with the safety off.
I miss you too but then I recall all of the pain you've caused that I'm barely coming down from and brush those feelings off.
I can't do this again.
I refuse to keep you on the back burner any longer.
You had me front and center and you wrote me off without batting an eye.
You don't get to keep me as a play toy on the trophy shelf of your life.
You wrote the rules. I'm obeying your wishes, or hers, the both of yours.
Who cares?
You're not my problem.
How dare you invade my peace!
Come and fuck me in my dreams!
Stop thinking of me, please.
I am NOT yours.
I'm done.
Gone.
This is what you want..

Two in One

I cried many tears last night. Some sorrowful, some grateful, some for love lost, others for love found. With so many emotions stirring around it's hard to hold them in. Life is down, then it's up, then it just plateaus and leaves you feeling stuck. Just when you think everything is going smooth you hit a bump, try crossing a broken bridge, or run into a dead end. When life's pain brings you to your knees there is nowhere else to look but up. I want so badly to trust in that to a point where it feels like I'm being set up. Instead of relishing in his blessings I'm too busy looking for a way out. Why do I always do this to myself? Sabotage is that old friend that only comes around when things are going good again. I'm tired of having to question his motives and my worth. I can feel the distance growing between me and my youth. Why won't I allow myself to believe that I do deserve to be happy? I'm so overcome by this joy that it knocked me from my feet and I've lost control. When will I learn that I am not in control of my own destiny? God has his route programmed into the GPS of my life but I'm too busy looking down at my own map. I get lost like everyone else. I turn right when he tells me to go left. Why is it so hard to accept that I am the product of my accomplishments? Instead of looking forward to what lays ahead I spend so much time reflecting on my past. God is tugging me from the left and I'm pulling to the right. When the error of your ways is blocking out the light it's ok to open the blinds. At my lowest point, God provided a helping hand in the form of the most desirable man. Just when I had lost all hope for a happy ending, God gave me this new beginning. What if it was always meant to be this way? Mister "What If" has caused me to rethink everything. When I believed I was doomed to die alone this amazing man walks into my life and tells me that I don't have to go it alone. Not anymore. Now I'm standing in the midst of the rest of my life and his, and the choice is mine. Do I take this man's hand and allow him to guide me through the rest of life's treacherous obstacles or do I stay here and stand alone? God designated man and wife to spend forever together, not to be left alone. I pray God is telling us both that it's time to turn our two into one. God, let your will be done.