When Sparks Fly

Colorful climaxes call the shots when relentless rainbows fill the spots in your eyes like blinding rays of sunlight beaming from inside you. Looking directly into the sun will surely be blinding so I'll politely close my eyes too. Pure passions then burn through the day light until the sky's moon takes reign over the night. What have we done with our time? I am but a tiny delectable morsel on your smorgasbord of choices but yet you stay as to say I am delicious enough. Your infallible incisors clamp down tighter with every manic motion I make as my attempts to escape seem staged. I am the prey trapped in your instinctual cage and I know you will devour me whole if I do not escape. Your idle hands have traversed the mountains of my anatomy while my moans and screams were the only things to escape from me. You've turned me into the biggest deceiver as I've said it so many times before that I would leave here and never return to endure your seductive scorn furthermore. I have defiantly disobeyed a direct order to about face and return to the former. I am not leaving you in this place when you are colder and I am warmer. Come with me now and together we can become stronger for ourselves and for one another. If you should walk away now you will have decided our fate. I am not to be bothered with your chemical satisfaction when my consequences will have their own actions. Selfishness seeps in and the sin begins again. Your strengths are pulling me into the tide beneath the waves rolling me asunder, my heart roaring at me like thunder informing me of my unfortunate blunder once again. I can't leave you here but I can't take you with. Our magnetism is simply remarkable in that it is nearly impossible to try and keep my distance from you. Your light shines so brightly I can see it illuminating the sky from any point in the World and it yells for me to soak it in even when I try to shade my eyes it somehow inches in. I thought I'd be safe in my underground cavern but you dove so deep that hide and seek has become our pattern. You seek while I hide. I run while you fly. You survive while I die. I say I'm not yours but you're saying you're mine. I want this to work but I'm admitting I don't know how. This is all too Crazy for you and I. I joyfully jump off cliffs as a hobby of mine but I will not allow you to stand next to me in my defeat so please just leave. It's safer for you and me if we retreat. You have to get out of my life, retract those statements from my head, take back those images imprinted in my brain, stop shining that bright ass Light Beam in my face, tell me how not to think of your face. Stop my pain permanently. Stop kissing me there, you've made your motives clear. Unless you come with me now and declare you're mine, my heart will remain in pieces. I've been down this road before and won't get pushed around any more and I think I've waited long enough to get my happy everlasting love. You say someday but I'm saying now or never. Nevers never last for forever. I am alive, I can breathe so let me make these decisions for me. All you have to do is say the word and there will be no more back and forth. Please don't ask me to open any more doors. I don't need one more disappointment to realize you're the one I want. I'm really into your voluptuous lips and this but I can't jump off this cliff with you just yet. I'm still holding on to an anchor that has not dropped yet and my head has been over run with Ghost Ships. Maybe we can jump someday together but for now you have to be the ground because I am light as a feather. I am too wobbly to carry on alone. I like having you here reminding me that anything can be done. Any trial can be overcome. Any race can be won. Seeing your smile provides me with automatic support and purpose. You don't have to come striding in on any White horses. I don't need somebody to rescue me, I was left for dead and had no choice but to rescue me so I did it for myself. All I need now is for you to come around and see that I'm here for you now. I cut the dead weight that was dragging me down. I let the last ship sink so now I know what to do to make it to solid ground. You can offer your help but I probably won't take it. I'll take what you probably didn't even know was up for the taking and you won't even know it until it's too late. You nor I can decide our fate we have to decide it together. Until then I'll keep wondering about your laws and theories and how it might taste to have a real kiss. I'll always be with you tomorrow. I just can't promise today. So kiss my lips softly one last time before we part ways as I close my eyes as to not be blinded by your rays. I can only hope and pray this will come true someday. I'll miss you every moment til that day. When sparks fly. 

EX-Factor

Ex-Factor Lauren Hill

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

[Hook:]
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me

Exercise

This was written 03.13.2012 taken from Chronicle #9. Enjoy.

Exercise

Run to exercise your heart.
Lift weights to exercise your muscles.
Read to exercise your brain.
Listen to exercise your logic.
Sleep to exercise your sub-conscience.
Dance to exercise your soul.
Listen to music to exercise your spirit.
Play to exercise your inner child.
Eat to exercise your senses.
Pray to exercise your faith.
Speak to exercise your voice.
Swim to exercise your freedom.
Sing to exercise your energy.
Laugh to exercise your pride.
Live to exercise your knowledge.
Love to exercise your life.

Pain

This was written on 01.20.2012. I am revisitng past entries from Chronicle #9. Enjoy.

Pain

I fought so hard. I cried. Got on my knees and even begged. I cut ALL ties without planning on ever looking back. I laid on my back and let him take me back. Now a mother for the 5th time I realize how bad he hurts me. Nothing has changed and I fought so hard for what? Why would anyone be with someone they doubtedly loved? I surrendered myself, my heart and all of my focus on him, to our love once again. And for what? Now I'm back at square one with all of this pain once again? All the pain that I had already let go? All the pain that I killed and buried in Atlanta's red dirt. But it came back from the dead and landed right back in my head. All of the past has been dug up and thrown in my lap. Again. I have to sort through all of this hurt one more time. Why, when you knew he never loved you and gave his whole self to others, would you ever give your already delicate heart back to him again??? Now it is broken beyond repair and sits exhausted in your chest barely able to keep you alive. Do you think you will ever be able to give it away again now? After all of the pain that it's undergone. Even if you're willing to give it away again no one will ever be able to mend the wounds and make it whole. He stole your heart, your happiness and your life. On top of that he gave you 5 more hearts you have to make sure don't break. I wish there were someone else to blame but it's all your fault. You knew the pain he was capable of inflicting on you, yet you let him back in anyway. You deserve everything that is happening to you.

Sincerely, Stupid
  

Liquid Gold

This blog was written 11.18.2011 in Chronicle #9. Enjoy.

Hold the Salt

I'm on the rocks, colder than this ice clinking around in this empty glass. Dripping sweat because I don't know what is next. I'm stuck in this circle like the ring left from the sweat dripping off my glass. Got no more class, I just left it all in that glass and now it's gone like the love words of that song. How does it go? I love the way it flows. Eh, Who cares? My blank stare is as empty as my cup and I am about to get up for a refill and I hope I won't have no more spills. It burns so smooth as it passes through my tubes and I can feel it in my soul. This liquid gold. I think I may love it more than it loves me. That's no surprise, that is my life. A miserable existence hidden, blurred from this concoction I hold in my hand. I sleep in quicksand. I'm sinking. That burning feeling has got me melting. I've actually vanished, I've been banished. Like whatever was swishing around in this glass and now it's all in the past.

The Past! Ha! The past.

Dear Lindsey's Past
cc: Lindsey's Lovelife

Fuck You!!

Love, Me

Ghost ships

I find myself alone with my thoughts again. Some days I feel like I'm stuck in the sand. I need to slow down but I move way too fast to ever let anything sink in. On the surface I remain calm but deep down there is a raging storm. I can't help but to stay this way, wearing thick skin and not letting people in. I thought by now I'd have someone to be with. I never contemplated losing my best friend and having to start all over again. I know now that I'll never be the same again. I ruined my life for just one kiss. Now I'll die never knowing the truth, left to wonder if anything was ever true. I know I'll never fully recover from the burns I have suffered. I'll have to take pain medication each and every single day for the rest of my God given days. No body knows these pains I've felt because I've mastered bluffing the hands I've been dealt. What you see is not always what you get. After all some of the most gorgeous smelling flowers grow from Shit. I can say I've never been to this place before, I'm nervous, kind of frightened but I keep moving forward. I don't know why I'm always in a Rush! I guess I feel like I have to stay on my toes and always be ready to push. I've been searching for an unlocked door that might open up to a whole new world. I don't necessarily want things to change per say but would like to see the sun shine on my face again someday. I would like to find a place where I fit and can be comfortable and happy with who I get. There is no more wrong or right. I am criticized for living my daily life. I don't know why but I'm used to it. People are so judgmental and sensitive to every little thing done or said. Everyone is the same you know? We were all born and raised, taught what's wrong from right, grew up and live a life every day and all the time. So why look so closely at mine? Am I really that interesting or are my life's failures just really that amusing? Let's see. I had five kids by the age of 26, I lost my mind when my father died, I lost the trust my best friend gave to me and now we don't even speak, I thought I'd be married and living happily but my fiance was cheating on me. What else do you people want from me? You want me tell you about how I fucked a bunch of guys when I found out the father of my children was feeding me lies while eating some other bitches pie? Ok. Yea that's true too. If he didn't want me what was I supposed to do? Just sit there and die? Every time he'd go and break my heart I went and found someone else to fix my broken parts. So go ahead call me a stupid name it will never change a thing he nor I have done. He says I should have been honest in telling him that I did my dirt but why should I tell you anything when you cheated first? You say you would have never come back to me time and again if I would have just told you about this guy or that but you never thought to ask. You didn't come clean to me about who you would go see or fuck so why was I going to just give that information up? You made the fatal mistake of not inquiring about my days and always just assumed that I'd take you back. All those times we broke up and got back, you never considered that maybe I had someone else in my sack? You really thought you had me locked but in the end you can see that you were wrong which actually turned out to be right because there was never ever even ever a You and I. It was a false relationship from the start and all I ever was was just another tally mark. I blame myself for giving you that 1st kiss because without it we both may have had a chance at real love and happiness. Now I'm preparing for this long trek ahead and hope I don't work myself to death. This life I've set up for myself would not have been easy with help so I just hope I can manage it all by myself. My children will be my legacy so it's extremely important for me to provide them the very best, give them respectable advice and sound guidance. I have to teach my girls that men will lie and tell you anything to get in your pants. They will be sweet and take you out, buy you things and make you feel proud but in an instant can turn around and tear you right back down. But a man is only interested in one thing, he doesn't mean all of those sweet things he says or does. He's a liar and deceiver and if you don't do what he wants he'll find someone who will make it easier. I ended up being that stupid little girl who fell for someone telling her he would give her the world. Instead all I got was a self-worth complex, trust issues and a bunch of kids left to raise them alone. So excuse me for being the way I am but you couldn't possibly know what goes on in my head. You can't hear the thoughts in my mind. You don't read in between the lines. You weren't there when my heart fell to pieces. You weren't holding your daddy's dead cold fingers. You didn't push out 5 human beings naturally with no meds. You haven't walked in my footsteps, not even an inch. Being you should be a blessing because you know not of my pain or transgressions. What you see is not always what you get. Like when you're reading about my life when I'm actually dead.

Trust n believe

When we were together, I held you down
I gave you all of me, but look at us now
Thinking of all your excuses, but they don't add up
Now it's so easy to see you don't deserve my love

You pushed me far...you brought me to this
You had my heart...but then you blew it
And I'm so over you, go get lost
Boy who do you think that you are?

Trust and believe me, you're gonna need me
Trust and believe me, she'll never be me
And Im so over you
Go get lost
Boy I don't know Who you think that you are

You look so foolish
With my best friend
And she ain't no better than you
She's a 3, Im a 10en en en en yea
So why are you calling my phone?
You aint got nothing I want
Thought we were really in love
But that was all a front

You pushed me far...you brought me to it
You had my heart...but then you blew it
Ohh ! And I'm so over you, go get lost

Boy who do you think that you are?
Trust and believe me, you're gonna need me
Trust and believe me, she'll never be me
And I'm so over you
Go get lost
Boy I don't know Who you think that you are

How did you try to clean it up?
Boy please just stop it now
Don't make a sound

Cause you pushed me far...you brought me to this
You had my heart...but then you blew it
Woah..I'm so over you, so get lost
Boy who do you..
Who you think you are?

Believe me, you're gonna need me
( you're gonna need me )
Trust and believe me
( believe me )
She'll never be me
And I'm so over you
Go get lost
Boy I don't know Who you think you are

I'm so over you
Go get lost
Who do you think that you are?


Read more: KEYSHIA COLE - TRUST AND BELIEVE LYRICS

Counting Fireflies

There are words flying around in the air like fireflies inside my mind. I might need a net to catch some of the words that want to be said. The words multiplying inside me I fear will start dripping like water from a leaking faucet out of my ears. These words are so loud like the whir of a giant crowd I'm afraid I'll never be able to get them all out. My words are impatient and they've been standing in line for quite some time. Some of them are becoming exhausted and worn so they are acting out and my brain is suffering their scorn. I feel pushing and shoving and pulling and tugging. There is not enough space in the vast outer space that I describe as my mind. It is filling so quickly with moments and memories so these miscellaneous muttered words are being dispersed failing to make it out alive. My words are so cramped inside my head that they commit suicide instead. They take a dive off of the cliff into the deep abyss of my existence never to have ever even existed. I can't possibly sit here and sift through all of the dozens of piles of dirt and ash in an attempt to salvage any of them. They are gone, lost with all of the rest. Those crazy words of mine are strong but without each other become unknown and before I know it are long gone, never to have touched the page. Like they died of old age because I could never find the way to simply say anything. I hate that I was the murder of their fate. These young words are born into my mind so often but are rarely given a chance to live, see the sun shine or here the birds sing, to ever become anything. It is sad to me now to see all of the damage I've caused my self, my brain. It's enough to drive any one insane. I made a habit of hitting pause and just never looking back again. I'd press the pen to the pad but cry instead. I was holding these words as hostages in my head. All of that time spent and all of those beautiful rhymes sent are now dead and buried. Why didn't I do more to help them escape? I could have stopped those innocent words and gave them a home, a better fate, instead I did nothing to have them saved and now they are dead. Of lessons learned, being severely burned, locking up my feelings and words and beating them numb I still can't seem to let them up. I think I'm on a power trip. I refuse to let that leaky faucet drip. I've been held back for so so long that being set free is hindering my creativity. I'm not used to having free range and freedom to let the words speak. I have so much time freed that the words in my mind all find a way to be awake and vying for my attention at the same time. I want to give them a way to be free and enjoy this journey with me. They too deserve a chance to be free. I want my words to take the window seat so they can see what I've seen. My poor words need some TLC and an outlet from which to be set free. I can finally let go of this rail and let my hair down to be blown in the wind. These flipping, fumbling, tumbling crazed words in my head belong somewhere other than my bustling brain. A poem, a song or a story perhaps is where my words belong instead. No more pausing my game til the end. No more letting anyone hold me back again. No more neglecting the best friends I will ever have. My thoughts. My confidants. My allies. My fireflies. 

Black Locks

Really Bitch? Black locks?? Mutt?? EBrake? "It is my "charisma" that makes me attractive." "Aye Adam Sandler." "My broke ass bf is buying me diamonds." "Mommy and daddy-in-law" "Step daddy" OH MY GOD!!!! Bitch he aint even a real daddy to HIS own kids. I can't take it anymore. You are worse off than I initially thought. I've heard of imitations but really Wallpaper? Really?? Black locks!! Bitch who even says that? Um Oh yea, Me! That's who. You can block all of Instagram but me and my friends are still laughing at your ugly ass. You shout out that skinny fool so much and he never comes to like any of your ugly ass pics. Wonder why? And every picture u have together is candid. He looks miserable and skinny and sick in most of them anyway. Aren't you feeding him? You are both beyond pathetic at this point. First of all. That crazy girl you were talking to on IG for your information used to be one of my best friends but fucked up and now we don't even speak. Haven't for months. I noticed you blocked her per Tonto but let me tell you it was hilarious to see yall trying to stab me together. You don't even know who she is. I've known her since I was 5 and was in love with her older brother nearly half my life. She is a Bi-Polar, compulsive liar, drug addict, felon, thief and has no friends. Scams on other chicks' dudes (My Cousin). She is probably more pathetic than you. So I don't know what that was all about but I'm glad he made you cut ties with her. I just thought it was so cute of you to be nice to her because she has no one. Her mother avoids her like the plaque and her dude beats the shit out of her. She is nothing but a dusty ol rag. She is a psycho though and I'm beginning to think the same is true for you. I mean I understand getting your man or husband's name tatted but you got his full name on your twat before you were even dating. That's fucking scary! And it's not even pretty. It looks like "Antonto" That's not even an A. Oh well. You know he told me some pretty awful things about you but I wont give you all the details. I'll let you wonder what kind of shit we used to laugh about so next time you look into his sparkling brown eyes you can wonder what he really thinks about you and your "unmentionable" past. If he left me for the shit I've done in my past and my "sinfulness" like he said then what do you think he'll do to you? Oh but wait, He said he loved me. He doesn't love you for real so I guess you being an ugly slut before he got with you doesn't bother him as much. I know you ratted out your team for him so he could get his stolen car parts back too. Shows where your loyalty lies. I wish I knew your baby daddy cus I'd tell him you were the one who got all them niggas jacked. They probably already hate you anyway because now you're with the head of 7th Gear. Bad rep? Do you even know where "Mutt" comes from anyway? No. Of course not. Your stupid ass just thinks it's some funny name he calls me. For your silly simple bitch ass self, "Mutt" happens to be a nickname that your man's OTHER baby momma used to call me. LMFAO!! So you can't even come up with your own nicknames for me. And btw, the term Mutt never even bothered me when that other hoe called me it because guess what DUMB ASSES????? I AM A FUCKING MUTT! Proud of it too. My daddy was white and my mother is Mexican. All it means is I'm a mixed breed. You're a mutt too pendeja. Your parents are from two diff places. At least I'm 100% pure bred Houston, Texan!! You can't even say that. Sucka! So you look really really stupid calling me Mutt when it don't even bother me none and your dudes other bitch made it up. STUPID! What else you got? Fat? Nope. Sorry not anymore and if you motherfuckers think I'm fat then you're blind. Saggy tits? Ok. I'll give you that one. That's what push up bras are for and btw I BREAST FED FIVE KIDS! So yea my titties sag. Oh well. Sucks for me. EBrake! That one is just funny to me. How is that even mean? Was it meant to hurt my feelings cus it actually makes me feel pretty good. I'm happy to be an EBrake. Too bad your man didn't use his when he was eating my fat juicy wet wet after you went back to the A! hahahaha. Slut? Hoe? Whore? Those are laughable excuses for lack of creativity because I can turn all of those around and say the same about you. Hoe committee! That's actually a good one. Did you come up with that one or did he? Either way it made me laugh. lol What else? Oh yes, Tranquil. Really? You cant even spell it right. And I guess you need me to explain that one too huh? When baby daddy and I would fight we made up these "safe" words so we could know when it was safe to talk. Mine was Tranquil and his was Toronto. But he started using mine all the time so I started saying his. Smh. There are so many of the little things that he says and does that came from me that I see and hear you do and say and it makes me want to vomit. I think black locks takes the cake though. You are so pathetic. Grab a fuckin thesaurus. As a writer I can honestly recommend one as a resource to anyone. Haven't I told you before you can't be me? Why are you so lame? I wish he would have picked a smart, sweet, pretty bitch because that way at least I couldn't say shit. But damn baby gul you're just giving me the ammunition for free. I don't even have to work at making you look stupid because you both do such a great job of making yourselves look like a bunch of looming idiots. Gosh. It's like I can feel you wanting to be me so bad it's making my skin crawl. You are not me. You can't ever be me. You will never be anything like me. And you really need to STOP imitating me. I'm trying to not give a fuck the way you say you don't but it's so brutally apparent you do. If you blocked me and all my friends then why are you still putting "Feel free to hate" on every single picture? Who are you even talking to when you post all those stupid textgrams if they aren't for me? I mean damn do you really just have that many haters?? Fuck bitch take an etiquette class or something. And who is Xandro? Is that your ex? Sounds to me like he still wants a piece of that Wallpaper. Does Tonto know about him or is that just another one of the many topics yall avoid. Like how you fucked your own cousin's dude which just happens to be your current bf's little brother? How can you even think to walk in that house with your head up? You fucked both brothers, all of their friends, their dealers and that random guy that walked out of the jail when you went to pick up Tonto from jail and he was like "Oh yea I remember you..I fucked you. And my friend did too." lol. Now that shit had me rollin. How you just gna be sitting at the courthouse waiting for your dude to get released and meanwhile a random nigga getting released sees you (of all places) and shouts to the World he fucked you. What kind of a woman are you? Really? Are you even a woman?? Every person I've heard talk about you says you sound like a man. Man. That must suck. Do you speak during sex? lol Ewww that is so disgusting. I always had a feeling my Baby dad was either bi or gay anyway. So I guess it just proves I was right because you are just so manly. Hmm. What else?? Oh yea. "Houstonian" No bitch the term Houstonian does not mean you are from H-Town. It means you live here which clearly you don't. Stop it. Oh and I'll slap the shit out of you if I ever see you for repping My Houston Texans on that other ugly bitches page then turning around and repping Falcons on yours. Hypocrita!!!! You can like other teams sure. It's football but to fake it for face is just sad. Comb that little girl's hair and put her on some matching outfits. His parents don't like you. They pretend because they love their son. You are not balling neither so stop talking all that mess and your dude owes Child Support $2,445.83 and has 5 other kids he's not even paying child support on and still doesn't break them off. Do you even work?? When I was with that fucker I paid off over $6,000 in debt for his sorry ass. And I was paying his child support too. So um can you step the fuck up or something if you want to be with him so bad? Yall steady going here and there and staying in Hotels and shit. Bitch can I get paid?? How do you live with yourself knowing every time he swipes that plastic your are eating and spending my kids' money? But it's ok though. I know I talk a lot of shit about the money but it's really not even that big of deal. The state of Texas is looking for him. He might even be locked up before they find him. If I were you I'd help him out or you will lose him. I did. I didn't know it was possible to hate someone so much without ever even meeting them. I know you hate me because YOU make it obvi. And I know you think I hate you but you are mistaking 10 yrs of pent up anger towards my baby dad as hatred against you. Honey I have no time to hate you. I just feel really really sorry for you because I know what kind of person he is and how mean he can be. I know you've gotten a taste of his asshole when he left you to move here the 1st time. Why you think he's some great catch? Will remain a mystery to me. This is just a taste of my wrath. I have to get back to work because I am a productive member of society. But I'll thoroughly break it down for you next time. You mess with a wild bitch you'll get bit. Haters you can KILL yo self!!!

I lied..

Um yea. So I was going to try and stop writing so much negative shit but it seems like the negative is all I got right now so yall keep looking. Obviously it's enjoyable to see how much pain and heartache I've been through. The happy shit isn't as interesting I guess. The funniest part about this blog is that ALMOST everyone who reads it hates me in some form or fashion. Oh well. What do they say? Bad publicity is better than no publicity at all. So I suppose a thanks is in order for my "fans". Grab some popcorn, a brew and take a seat in the stands. Your hateful thoughts and negativity are fueling the fuck out of my fire. I hope you all enjoy this next one. I'm done explaining myself for now. Now I just want to write and get all this hate out of my poor little wounded heart. Get comfortable and buckle in. It's going to be a looong and super bumpy ride to the end.

Filthy Rich

SPM Filthy Rich

It's the same ol' shit in the same ass place my studio smells like ten ash trays my nigga still gettin' too fucked up And I'm still smokin' too much blunts Haters always gon' run they mouth And keep tryin' to take me out Mama always gonna worry herself And me I can't forget the pain I felt Even though I drive a new 6 double 0 They be thinkin' like "What is Los frontin' for?" I bought a club and they filled up with envy Now every body pissed cuz they can't get in free New enemies still poppin' up Throw away gats still chop 'em up I walk in and the whole club stands still More money more problems that's real
This is what an ol' G told me filthy rich and dyin' lonely "Fuck a benz and fuck a rolly, life is what you make it, homie."
This is what an ol' G told me filthy rich and dyin' lonely "Fuck a benz and fuck a rolly, life is what you make it, homie."
My little baby-girl just turned 6 I gave her the biggest room in my crib she gets what she wants so does her mama I don't think they know the value of a dollar fine-ass bitches all in my limosine I just wish I was jumpin' on my trampoline But my babies I miss my children To me that's worth more than trillions and trillions She calls me "Fat-boy" says I'm "loco" And she doesn't understand when I gotta go Hope she doesn't think I don't wanna be wit her Hope she knows that it hurts not to be wit her Hope she knows that wit her I'm the happiest I can't make it to her piano practices When I was young my ol' man left us And I pray dat she won't be like I was
This is what an ol' G told me filthy rich and dyin' lonely "Fuck a benz and fuck a rolly, life is what you make it, homie."
This is what an ol' G told me filthy rich and dyin' lonely "Fuck a benz and fuck a rolly, life is what you make it, homie."
Playa hataz wanna play me close Do you really wanna meet Carlos? Do you really wanna feel my wrath? Mad cuz your bitch want my aut-o-graph Nigga I don't wanna fuck yo' hoe But I'll let her suck my dick and lick my ass-hole (ha-hah) Started out with a silly game of footsie Now I got her eatin' out her best friends pussy Rollin' hydro sippin' on Chris When I was broke I would dream about this Get my back rubbed in a big bath tub I don't know her name but she's showin mad love I got 7 G's sittin' in my pants And my jewlry is underneath those lamps I'm gettin' sleepy all you hoes gotta bail Once again I'm in the bed by myself All alone in another city I get my bill the Chris was 9.50 2 G's for them bottles of Don P It was just me and the hoes was free
This is what an ol' G told me filthy rich and dyin' lonely "Fuck a benz and fuck a rolly, life is what you make it, homie."
This is what an ol' G told me filthy rich and dyin' lonely "Fuck a benz and fuck a rolly, life is what you make it, homie."
Yeah, fuck a benz, fuck a rolly, family comes first, and I'm alone, Ye-e-e-eah. This is what an ol' G told me, He died lonely...

 

A dream or dessert?

Such a delicate delightful dream I had the other day where all of the bad just faded away and disappeared into the night's atmosphere. Each and every single face I missed was there and loving familiar voices filled my ears. The welling teardrops in my ducts for once weren't over a fit or fuss of anger, fear or sadness but instead were tears of Joy and Happiness. I was elated to be experiencing the warmth that you get when surrounded with real family and friends. Everyone was happy, smiling and laughing again. The scent of good food was lingering with the mood and neutral music in the air filled the empty space while the moments passed right along with the pace. Everything was going great like back, back in the days. All I'm inhaling is positivity and love and it feels remarkably to extend my arms and receive a real hug. These conversations are making sense and completing points and I guess the fog in the air is from all the joints. I'm feeling buzzed without having ever taken a sip but I can taste something sweet on my lips. Oh shit! It's his magical mythical philosophical kiss. He must have taken a swig of his sweet icy beverage, leaned in for some leverage to plant a wet juicy passionate kiss right on my red juicy plump lips that I graciously accepted with no reason for hesitation. I must have been wearing red because I was contemplating this kiss. Wait a minute, this can't be it. What happened to my delicate serene peaceful scene I was enjoying? I didn't even see his face yet. I'm drifting away slow now and reality is dripping in like the sun from behind the blinds creeping towards my eyelids like Texas molasses but this isn't fair. I was curious to discover how I could feel this intensely for someone who isn't even there. I was hoping to open up my eyes into his stare and he was going to grab my head gently behind my ear and with his other hand sweep my face clear of any fallen hair, look deep into my profound brown sparkling eyes and say, "I". I woke up. F*ck. What? I woke up? Aww nutts. :(

When life throws you lemons make Pies! Eat my life. It tastes like a sweet-tart lemon lovely pie.:j

Lindsey Renee

Ok. So I've had this blog up since last year and never got any enjoyment or real use out of it. It was a small outlet to vent my frustraions with work or being fat and pregnant...AGAIN. ;) I have to say now that I am grateful for this outlet now and I never want to stop writing ever, ever again as long as I live. There was a crippling factor in my life for so long that would diminish all of the best qualities of me. Like a diamond in the rough, I too needed smoothing around the edges. Once you've been pushed over the edge of a cliff enough times the fear begins to subside until you get to the point where you can jump off by yourself. I have wings, I love to fly. I am a fish, I love to swim. I am a writer, I love love love to Write. That's mine. You can't change any of it. I am Lindsey Renee Sherrill. 26 year old mother of 5. 9, 7, 4, 3 and 1. They are also mine. You can't take them away from me. Try it. I am content in my life and I have nothing to hide. I didn't know someone could go from the top to the bottom and back to the top so quickly. That's me. I did that. Anyway, I've had a few requests so I'll get to work on those. I enjoy the thought of you smiling while you read this, laughing, crying, getting heated or being absolutely shocked by it. I won't ever stop. Not even if you ask me to. If there is anything you want to know just ask. Any requests, this forum is open. Public. Free. For everyone even though not everyone needs know about me or what I say or the way I think. My words can be damaging but the damage inside of my head and my heart is what I'm working on right now. So fuck OFF!!! Naw, I'm just joking. So like I said before, Call it what you will but this is just me and my head. I can't be blamed for the way I feel but I also shouldn't be blamed or punished for trying to mend it either. Everybody has their own coping mechanisms, mine happens to be writing it all out. I'm not sorry about that but I'm sure there are some fuck heads out there right now wishing shit would have turned out differently. This is what I have to say to You: Swallow it and move on. What's done is done. Either way I appreciate the curiousity. It is my Spark.

Ooooh He mad..

Oh boo fuckin hoo, poor stupid ass You. Ain't it a damn shame when you feel so lame because you ain't got me locked up on a leash and chain? Don't you know that I am happy when ever You ain't around? Things will NEVER ever be the same. You needed a slap to the face to snap you out of whatever sick and twisted game you think is taking place. Let me remind you that you're the one that walked away. So cry if you need to but I cant stay to watch you, thats the wrong thing to do. Touch if you need to but I can't stay to hold you, thats the wrong thing to do. Talk if you need to but I cant stay to hear you, thats the wrong thing to do. You said you loved me and I ended up lying and said I loved you too. But you were right all along in dedicating me that song. I needed someone different, you needed someone different and we both knew it. So Sit back and relax and watch the story unfold.You think you've got me pegged when instead I'm obviously in your head. If you are so content then why are you reading this? If you are happy with her then why would any of these blogs hurt? They are just words. What you have failed to realize is that I am still hurt and this blog is a way for me to vent. Yes. It's very personal and I'm still upset  but at least I can admit that shit. You pretend like you don't miss me too so then why are you so mad at what I do? That night I called you crying I was with another man and I called you because I just wanted to understand. Let's make it clear that I was drunk but I'm not you so I won't use it as an excuse. Instead I'll explain it to you, something else you could never do. Tell the truth! You think you still hold so much power over me but you have some reevaluating to do. Instead of hoping I'll ruin my chances because I have you in my head how about just play dead instead. You need to Stop worrying so much about me and focus on your new mouth piece. She must be an anorexic because she's starving herself for attention being with you. Its an impossibility to ever have with her what you had with me and you know it's true. I'm way better than anything she could ever be, plain and simple and everybody can see. You said it yourself. So he thinks I'm sweatin his sorry, skinny, good for nothing, broke ass yall but we all know I can have ANY man I want. And You will never know what I do ever again with any of them. I made it perfectly clear to You that I was done playing your silly games so you reading this blog doesn't phase me at all. It made me laugh when you text it to me, I wrote it dummy. I know what it says. So If you are stupid enough to keep reading all of this great but don't get butt hurt over what is said. Call me a liar or whatever you need to but in the end these are my own truths. They are not for you or anyone to dispute. Hopefully some day people will see you for the real you, a liar, a cheater and dead beat father. If You enjoy living in a lie, please be my guest  and move along with your ugly pest. Put that new beast on a leash that is A-Ok with me because I personally enjoy being free. You are aggresive and give a bad name to ALL males because all you ever do in life is Fail. You'll continue to play your little games, be unfaithful and walk in and out on her. But she'll be there when you get home just like a lonely dog because she has no one else. You two were made for each other. She's a strong man and you're nothing but a pussy. So All of your feeble attempts to stab me circle around patheticy. No one cares about you anymore. You are ugly. You are a disgrace. What's on your chick's face? lol You are the typical tragic display of a man who royally fucked up his own way. And I can't promise I won't ever drunk dial or text you again. I send you racey pics because I know it pisses off your chick. So I probably won't stop doing that either. After all I am only a human and I feel pain like everyone else. I would have thought by now you knew what not to do to piss me off. But here let me ease our pain and turn it back into anger. I told you I was going to make you hate me because now everyone can see your bitches nasty hole again. You should have never sent me that photo. Ewwwww its so gross! I apologize in advance for subjecting my fans to this horrible image.You're too hilarious if you really think her scruffy twat got me jealous. Get a grip. I am completely satisfied with my life how you left it except for the financial bind you left me in even though I know I'll be fine. Aside from that everything else has been absolutely great since the day you moved away. Can you take the hint now and leave me the fuck alone already? It's not like you speak to your children on the daily or pay me anyways. So there's really nothing more for you to see here. You already know what it is so what is it You are still looking for? I got another dude already, go take a look he is strong and handsome and he doesn't lie to me like you. So I told him I could be his if he wanted me to be. If I were you I'd buy my chick some wax so she can handle her problem at last. For meanwhile, you need to step the fuck back, wake up and smell the coffee and remember You left me. I am still here in this house. You cheated on me and then tried to lie. I didn't the way you claim I have but you have no proof. I do. Now you're mad but why? Think about it next time you take a dive in your scruff pie. Bye!

#Atliensknowboutthis #WellKnownGwinnettCounty #Scruffmeister

I be representin'

Ludacris – Representing Lyrics (Feat. Kelly Rowland)

I be representin, representin
I be representin, representin
Luda, Yeah
You representin for bad bitches all around the world
The way you put it down in between the sheets
Is like no other girl
You done take it a whole another level of freakiness
When you blow my mind
To the point where all these other women
Feelin like you stole their shine
So I better with it, then I better come split it
And I admit that I’m feeling a little pressure
When you’re telling me I better come get it
But I’m the man for the job
Can’t nobody do it quite like I do
And the same go for you
We a match made in heaven
I’ma stand right by you
Why you saying?

[Chorus]
Just wanna keep all your attention baby
Yeah, alright, alright, alright, hey
It turns me on to know I turn you on, yeah
Ok, ok, ok
Oh Can I grab the wheel and drive you crazy
Yeah, alright, alright, alright, hey
Sit in the front row and watch me perform
You do that and you gonna learn today, hey
I’ll be representing, representing (Get on that thang, Get on that thang)
I’ll be representing, representing (Get on that thang, Get on that thang)
Watch how I put it down

Put it down like ay,
Only know you can do it
Then I’ma hit every single one of your spots
And really you don’t need to walk me through it
But you can talk me through
What I’m asking if it’s mine
Cause I don’t really wanna play
You just tryina see if you can break my f***ing spine,
I’m so attracted, to the way you carry yourself
And keep your composures
You a lady in the street
But behind closed doors you’re a f***ing soldier
A brother will never know
That’s how you like it ha,
Bet that booty pack a mean punch
And I’ma spike it, huh

[Chorus]
Why you saying
Just wanna keep all your attention baby
Yeah, alright, alright, alright, hey
It turns me on to know I turn you on, yeah
Ok, ok, ok
Oh Can I grab the wheel and drive you crazy
Yeah, alright, alright, alright, hey
Sit in the front row and watch me perform
You do that and you gonna learn today, hey
I’ll be representing, representing (Get on that thang, Get on that thang)
I’ll be representing, representing (Get on that thang, Get on that thang)
Watch how I put it down

You’re incredible, edible, unforgettable
Body is so angelical, the rebel with a cause
Speaking in hypotheticals
Could I marry you if I wanted to
I’ll take you how you coming
Just learn to live with your flaws
Even though it’s not that many
You give me that good and plenty
And I walk around all day grinin’
My body and mind are gone
That day so divine
Throw it in the air and turn it to sunshine
You make me wanna call the crib
And say I’m never coming home, luda!

Finding Nemo

My mind is much too deep for if you should try to step in it You will sink. Only there is no bottom so you would never hit the floor. Instead your head would be suffocated to death by the strangling, crippling depth of my depths. You would be swept asunder and left to wonder whether or not you made it back to reality in one piece. Entering my realm is almost like a cry for help because no cries inside my mind are silent, I can hear them all. Will I help you up or let you fall? Neither. You are not welcome here nor there or anywhere and not inside of my mind nor occupying my time. I write. I can conclusify from your delusional try to dive into my mind that you are thrashing out and need some help to find yourself because you are still lost in between the moment of when you quit and when you ceased to exist. I woke up one morning and took a nice long piss, wiped the drip, flushed the toilet and closed the lid. There you went. Glad I could give you a hint. Take a fucking hint.